Having a bad- mum moment

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10 years 3 months ago #30933 by pisa
Sorry, but just got to get this off my chest,
feeling guilty for feeling relieved for the kids having gone to school this morning.

I know it'll pass, and i'm sure once the little b*****s are back at home this arvo I'll be wishing for the morning run to the bus!

Both the kids are not happy for having missed out on a few classic summer activities, like swimming at school this term, and I dread winter and it's impending increase in depression due to lack of sun.
I really struggle morivating them at the moment, they're 9 and 11, and find myself trodden down by their grumpy attitudes.
EVERY morning I am greeted by a chorus of " I hate school!" and as soon as they lay eyes on each other they argue, fight and bicker.

And just as an example of the hair-brained state of my mind: this morning I wondered if I should tell my girl, who's looking forward to turning 18 so she doesn't have to go to school anymore (!), that if she's really smart and passes all her test at top level she could skip years and that way finish school earlier!!!! :p :p :p :p

She's bored, "not enough science and art" this term for her likes, and I don't want to make too many interesting home activities, or I'll never get her to school. Already she thinks watching and helping me do all the farm stuff is way more interesting than plain old writing and maths! [;)][;)]

Anyway,
I suppose I just need to find something to charge my batteries and battle on.
They both tell me how much they love me, so they're not that bad after all.[:I]

Rant over, tears dried and already feeling a bit better.:o

1 hubby, 2 kids, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 swallows and I've lost count how many offsprings with even more grandkids, 5 bunny girls, 5 bunny boys, 12 chickens (rooster, pullets, chicks and more about to hatch hopefully) and 4 goats with two of them expecting any day! (24.10.14)
But who's counting [;)]...

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10 years 3 months ago #416649 by muri
Replied by muri on topic Having a bad- mum moment
Yep remember those days well, but just remember, this is nothing compared with the moping of teenagers which yet lies ahead.
Sympathise with the situation though
All you can do is reward the good behaviiour and hope to see more of it.
Perhaps a few chores before school in the morning may cut out some of the moaning and groaning as they wont have time!!

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10 years 3 months ago #416650 by Hawkspur
Replied by Hawkspur on topic Having a bad- mum moment
One thing you could consider, is as you do the "interesting" things with them, talk a little about how those things are easier or possible because you have learned to do things like maths, writing, etc at school, or because of somebody who did.

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10 years 3 months ago #416653 by pisa
Replied by pisa on topic Having a bad- mum moment

Hawkspur;413437 wrote: One thing you could consider, is as you do the "interesting" things with them, talk a little about how those things are easier or possible because you have learned to do things like maths, writing, etc at school, or because of somebody who did.

Interesting idea,
I'll have to mull over that one.
As having a Masters degree, in English [;)], I should be able to find a logical way and simple way of presenting how that has made my present life possible.

Thanks for that very positive approach. :)

1 hubby, 2 kids, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 swallows and I've lost count how many offsprings with even more grandkids, 5 bunny girls, 5 bunny boys, 12 chickens (rooster, pullets, chicks and more about to hatch hopefully) and 4 goats with two of them expecting any day! (24.10.14)
But who's counting [;)]...

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10 years 3 months ago #416655 by Xartep
Replied by Xartep on topic Having a bad- mum moment
I'm getting very similar behavior from DD, not the I hate school stuff, but bad behavior and temper, luckily she doesn't have a sibling to fight with.[}:)]

I have found that this arises every year at the beginning of term 1, I think we get a bit easy going during the holidays.[B)][;)][;)]

3 Cocker Spaniels, 1 Huntaway, 3 Cats, Goats, Sheep, Pigs, Cows, Ducks, Chickens, Bunnies - small petting zoo?:rolleyes::cool:

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10 years 3 months ago #416656 by Huggiechook

pisa;413435 wrote: Sorry, but just got to get this off my chest,
feeling guilty for feeling relieved for the kids having gone to school this morning...

Be kind to yourself - there is nothing wrong with feeling relieved at getting the lil terrors out of the door in the morning. It doesn't mean you don't love them enough and it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. If anything it most likely means you are perfectly normal.

I find it helpful to differentiate between stress factors that originate outside my head (kids) and stress factors that originate inside my head (guilt). It gives me hope to see that there are some I could have greater power over. Thinking about this stuff never stops being fascination to me :)

Quarter Acre with Veggie Garden, Fruit trees, Berry bushes, Chicken run, Mushroom farm, Playground - and yes I manage to live there too [;)]

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10 years 3 months ago #416664 by pisa
Replied by pisa on topic Having a bad- mum moment
Thanks,
lots of good reminders what to get back onto.

Yes, some things have been let to slide a bit, which will be remedied this weekend: family sit down and re introduction of old rules, etc.

And nothing like a walk in the wind looking after animlas to get the grey matter focusing on the relevant issues.
Scary how the mind can get booged down soo badly, you can't see the forest for the trees.

cheers,
and have a great day all! :D

1 hubby, 2 kids, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 swallows and I've lost count how many offsprings with even more grandkids, 5 bunny girls, 5 bunny boys, 12 chickens (rooster, pullets, chicks and more about to hatch hopefully) and 4 goats with two of them expecting any day! (24.10.14)
But who's counting [;)]...

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10 years 3 months ago #416665 by caro
Replied by caro on topic Having a bad- mum moment
you're doing great, parenting is the hardest job in the world. I suggest more wine, lots more!!!!

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10 years 3 months ago #416668 by Minky2
Replied by Minky2 on topic Having a bad- mum moment
The family sit down and chat is a good idea. But wait until they are both in a 'receptive' mood! You know your own children best, so have a good think about what approach will have the most impact on them. It sounds like they are perhaps not realising what a good life they have, (which is perfectly normal for children!) many children would give anything to have a farm to be able to roam around and help out on. It's good that your daughter likes that side of things! But yes, it's all normal and probably worse to come, I found those years so hard to get through sometimes but now that my children have finished school it's fantastic - I'm just LOVING our family life now so there is light at the end of the tunnel! I'm sure you're doing a great job and we all totally understand your gripes!

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10 years 3 months ago #416677 by stephclark
Replied by stephclark on topic Having a bad- mum moment

caro;413453 wrote: you're doing great, parenting is the hardest job in the world. I suggest more wine, lots more!!!!


:D :D .. my mums solution was a tall glass, mostly gin first thing.. then during the day keep topping it up with tonic.. by the time we got back from school, she was very mellow.. :D

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10 years 3 months ago #416683 by BlueSkyBee
Replied by BlueSkyBee on topic Having a bad- mum moment
My two school age boys (6 and 8) drive me bananas like this quite often.... you are not alone!!



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10 years 3 months ago #416690 by shad297
Replied by shad297 on topic Having a bad- mum moment
My 11 year old daughter is a bit of a drama queen at the moment, I ignore all the whining and whingeing it drives me nuts and achieves nothing. As long as she is not genuinely unhappy and doing well at school I don't stress. I used to but let alot of what she says go over my head. On the other hand almost 15 year old boy, easy as, mellow.

Unfortunately I can see myself at the same age in my daughter and therefore dreading the teen years arrggghh!
Pisa - we all have crap days as parents, I think as long as overall when they look back they've had happy loving experiences on the home front you will be doing a good job.

Husband, two teenagers, Stanley & Jed the greyhounds, one quail (Hawkefrost), one budgie (Chaos) small productive surburban section.

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10 years 3 months ago #416719 by Aria
Replied by Aria on topic Having a bad- mum moment

pisa;413435 wrote:
And just as an example of the hair-brained state of my mind: this morning I wondered if I should tell my girl, who's looking forward to turning 18 so she doesn't have to go to school anymore (!), that if she's really smart and passes all her test at top level she could skip years and that way finish school earlier!!!! :p :p :p :p

She's bored, "not enough science and art" this term for her likes, and I don't want to make too many interesting home activities, or I'll never get her to school. Already she thinks watching and helping me do all the farm stuff is way more interesting than plain old writing and maths! [;)][;)]


Not so hair-brained at all! I went to summer school for two years in a row to ensure I had enough credits to get out of high school and on to university early. For me, I was in a rush to live out from under my Mom (but on her coin, of course) - even though I loved her dearly!!!! :D :D

I made this decision to skip a grade at the age of 14 (so I started uni at age 17) - and kids grow up alot more quickly these days. So, in my opinion your 11 year old is probably at an age when you can start talking about goals and begin working with her to plan to make those things happen.

Also if she is interested in science - wonderful!!!!!! and art - wonderful!!!! Finds ways to encourage this interest - perhaps online clubs (like Forest and Bird for Kids, government departments like DoC, or the Crown Research Institutes). Our son was the same in terms of combined interest and he turned amazingly talented in pencil drawings of our various sea shells and marine animals. Had TradeMe been around when he was younger - I'd have framed them cheaply and sold them on Trademe for him.

I guess what I'm saying is it is important to keep them motivated at this age to continue learning - and to apply that learning in useful/practical ways. If the 11 year old stops moaning, the 9 year old will likely get diverted - as the old saying goes 'misery loves company' and if no one is miserable, problem solved!

Good luck! :D :D :D

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10 years 3 months ago #416746 by DiDi
Replied by DiDi on topic Having a bad- mum moment
That is brilliant advise Aria. Just out of interest Pisa - did you take your children away from the farm over Summer? One of the things I learnt was that you need to get away from your LSB for your own sanity (no matter how much you love it) and especially for your children to have those external experiences. In this case Summer, no matter how cloudy or wet. This is NOT a critisism as I said, I learnt the hard way.

My advise to newbies on this site over many years has been just that. Make sure you find the time to get away and renew the batteries, plus that works for your kids too. Look up the calendar for the next long weekend and work out how to get away. You will be rewarded.

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10 years 3 months ago #416748 by pisa
Replied by pisa on topic Having a bad- mum moment
Thanks Aria and all you others,

as I have been getting on top of things here at home, I have been mulling over a few things too, while listening to some great music, and lo and behold, the kids could sense I had recharged a bit, and were a lot more compliant. Not that they didn't try the usual, but I was firmer as nicely as possible. [;)]

I will certainly look into those groups mentioned, as we do a lot online, and discuss with hubby when and how to encourage the advancing. The 11yr old is happy where he is, but the 9 yr old is keen to get out of the old school routine.

And I have found opportunities when I can explain how having learned stuff at school is helping me now making stuff, cheeses, administering meds etc.

I'm glad I vented, as it opened the door to options being shown, and I'm grateful that no one thought it necessary to judge.

Thank you to you all wonderful friends![:I]

1 hubby, 2 kids, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 swallows and I've lost count how many offsprings with even more grandkids, 5 bunny girls, 5 bunny boys, 12 chickens (rooster, pullets, chicks and more about to hatch hopefully) and 4 goats with two of them expecting any day! (24.10.14)
But who's counting [;)]...

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