do you put terms and conditions on your friendships?

More
12 years 2 months ago #403694 by shad297
We once had an unanounced visit from some ex neighbours of ours when we lived in Auckland who were doing a tiki tour in their little campervan and actually it was ok, they stayed for dinner and parked their van in our driveway. Then a couple of years later they did the same thing, unfortunately we were just on our way out to dinner, had a babysitter arriving and I didn't offer the driveway to them as I was a bit pissed off because they knew they were going to stop in Palmerston North and could've just rung first. I did feel slightly guilty but I feel in that situation they really should've contacted us beforehand. Personally I would never do that unless I genuinely found myself in the neighbourhood of an old friend. Actually come to think of it another ex neighbour of ours from Auckland did the same thing, and I remember rushing around after they popped in unanounced whilst they went into town, tidying up, asked them to dinner and as they hadn't booked any accommodation offered them our spare room. It worked out fine because we weren't doing anything else but again a bit of notice would've been nice as it can be stressful.
Now if friends pop in unannounced I don't care a toss what the house looks like, you take me as you find me. Maybe age has done this to me?

Husband, two teenagers, Stanley & Jed the greyhounds, one quail (Hawkefrost), one budgie (Chaos) small productive surburban section.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403697 by kaybe
Just the other day I was having a chat with a friend about how different cultures perceive 'drop-ins' as welcome or unwelcome, and some would never dream of dropping in unannounced, while others were brought up to think it the norm - could it be your friend has always felt differently about the subject but for some reason has only recently found the gumption to speak up about it?
Also, it may be she has other issues - I once had an extremely offensive couple of emails from my sister which were completely out of the blue. I found out afterwards that unknown to me she had had surgery for a melanoma, and then around the time of the emails she was hospitalised with a raging infection from an abcess in the surgery site - so I put it down to delirium!

Tomorrow is the day I will stop procrastinating.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403712 by kaumea
Back in Switzerland is it totally normal that you go to visit at any time without calling first..here we had to get used to the fact, that we have to announce ourselfs first...

I don't have all I love anymore, but I still love all I have...

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403716 by drifter

shad297;399291 wrote: We once had an unanounced visit from some ex neighbours of ours when we lived in Auckland who were doing a tiki tour in their little campervan and actually it was ok, they stayed for dinner and parked their van in our driveway. Then a couple of years later they did the same thing, unfortunately we were just on our way out to dinner, had a babysitter arriving and I didn't offer the driveway to them as I was a bit pissed off because they knew they were going to stop in Palmerston North and could've just rung first. I did feel slightly guilty but I feel in that situation they really should've contacted us beforehand. Personally I would never do that unless I genuinely found myself in the neighbourhood of an old friend. Actually come to think of it another ex neighbour of ours from Auckland did the same thing, and I remember rushing around after they popped in unanounced whilst they went into town, tidying up, asked them to dinner and as they hadn't booked any accommodation offered them our spare room. It worked out fine because we weren't doing anything else but again a bit of notice would've been nice as it can be stressful.
Now if friends pop in unannounced I don't care a toss what the house looks like, you take me as you find me. Maybe age has done this to me?

I always think the important thing to remember with drop-ins is that you are taking a chance. They may or may not have other plans and it's important to respect that.

Strange how much you've got to know, Before you know how little you know.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403717 by Ruth
I would not have someone not visit, though, simply because they couldn't call/txt on their way here if they made an impromptu decision to come. I'd still rather see them than not.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403721 by SarahM
I really do like friends to let me know rather than just "dropping in". It's not that we are rude, it's just that sometimes we might be drenching the sheep, or catching up on outside work after a long spell of bad weather, or be covered in muck! I also like the opportunity to have a tidy house and entertain properly.

I did have a friend "cross the line" once. She wanted to borrow a large sum of money to set up a business. She had no job, and no assets. Every time she saw me she turned the conversation around to how much equity I had in my house etc and what she wanted. It was just a new friendship and I could see it was headed to nowhere, so nipped it in the bud.

Sometimes with friendships we can have our differences but still get on. Other times you have to decide if you are still compatible, but in the end you cannot change people to what you want them to be.

Another thing: in Southland it is quite common to "just drop by" without prior warning. When I lived in Wellington and Chch "making a time" to see someone was more acceptable. When we moved back to Southland it took quite a bit of getting used to people just dropping by again.

5 acres, husband, daughter, son, me, about 12 sheep and their lambs, currently no ram (yay!), 2 Galloways, about 35 chooks, 3 cats and 2 budgies.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403723 by Simkin

kai;399226 wrote: This is my solution also.

I can guess at some of the reasons for the sudden demand, though don't want to say. And yes there is a "counselor" on the scene and she consults her over just about every decision and unfortunately I have heard some of her advice and some sounds exceptionally crazy.

Maybe it's the same counselor[}:)] as we live in the same wider area. Her visits have become far and few between so it's ok with me. I prefer it when people come to me rather than me going somewhere else and I haven't got a problem with people dropping in - as long as they accept that I may not have much time for them.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403727 by shad297

Ruth;399316 wrote: I would not have someone not visit, though, simply because they couldn't call/txt on their way here if they made an impromptu decision to come. I'd still rather see them than not.

I think I agree Ruth, at the end of the day. Don't want to be a grump and all, and mostly it is fine when people drop by as we are not a very busy family compared to some. I think if we lived in the country it might be easier as we would be less inclined to pop out at all times for groceries, dog walking etc.
My grandparents in Crete used to have people come and go every day too, but very different situation and guests were always offered something to drink or eat. And actually the more I think about it, it did used to happen in my own family growing up in a rural village in UK in 1970s, my parents were really cool about it and quite liked it and obviously everyone knew because it carried on for many years.

Husband, two teenagers, Stanley & Jed the greyhounds, one quail (Hawkefrost), one budgie (Chaos) small productive surburban section.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403736 by Clods
The main reason to ring before you pop in and see someone is they might not be home.

2 horses, 15 Chickens, 1 goat, 2 pigs, 1 cat

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403760 by Ruth

Clods;399339 wrote: The main reason to ring before you pop in and see someone is they might not be home.

I'd say the more important one is that they might not be clothed, and there are some things most of us should not see! :D

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403772 by kai

Simkin;399323 wrote: Maybe it's the same counselor[}:)] as we live in the same wider area.

Probably not, she told me her counsellor is in Auckland and they have never met face to face, they only talk over the phone. I don't know how she made contact with the person initially. But she definitely places a lot of weight on what she says. My gut feeling is that she is an "alternative" style counsellor if you know what I mean, rather than someone trained to accepted standards.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403774 by kai

Ruth;399365 wrote: I'd say the more important one is that they might not be clothed, and there are some things most of us should not see! :D

been there done that. Being rather secluded, and for a while no one did just pop in, we tended to where what suited the weather shall we say. After a couple of German tourists mistook our drive for a road, whilst we were in the pool[:I] I have since taken to always at least carrying a sarong with me. :D

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403775 by Clods
Their problem if they see me naked - few close calls with the meter reader, who lets himself in the back garden, and round to the deck outside my bedroom ranch sliders to read the meter. Then there is always when the boys have other teenagers to stay, who weren't there when I went to bed. Luckily they sleep late, and I haven't managed to shock any by mistake yet.

2 horses, 15 Chickens, 1 goat, 2 pigs, 1 cat

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403798 by kai
Clods, I like the attitude. I prefer not to be caught naked, but if I am they will no doubt be more embarrassed that I am. And if they are undesirables, not doubt the sight of the beached whale will scare them off lol

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 years 2 months ago #403806 by max2
I work off farm 5 days a week, and fit in the milking and feeding routines before and after my off farm paid employment. Twice a week I am back out the door in the afternoons with our daughter for riding lessons. At least once a month I go back to work of an evening...

By the weekend or public holidays I am fairly shattered, but have a long list of ''stuff'' I want to get done by the end of each day. I am happy to sit on the verandah from 6.00pm ish onwards with a glass in hand enjoying others company, its a nice time of day and there is usually something cold in the fridge waiting for the evening time. But.... I am so over the ''we just dropped around for a cuppa visit'' who then stay for the entire day or a big chunk of it waiting for country lunches to be served from my kitchen.

I stink, I need a shower but wasn't planning on having one until the smelly jobs were done and didn't know ''you'' were coming for so long. Just because its raining doesn't mean my farm work doesn't need to happen.

Recently we planned on bringing our yearlings up to the yards and worming them. They badly needed doing. It can be dangerous work, they don't want to be penned up. City relos decided to drop by and it went on, and on and on. I lost a day of productivity... and could have been washed and watching a movie by mid afternoon having got the lot done or sitting with them later on relaxing and having a coldie and lovely evening meal together.

I am happy to meet up for pre arranged lunches etc. We balance our time out around those. Christmas arrangements this year have centred around ''what are we planning?"' without any thought that perhaps we might like to turn up somewhere and have it done for us for a change.. I just want to sleep in (albeit 30 minutes extra) milk the girls, feed the babies, walk the dogs, feed the chooks and go fishing. Something we usually just haven't time to do, but really want to.... and its christmas. its my family christmas. Why can't my family and i just b*gger off and go fishing with sandwiches or chocolates on board whilst we run out the long line?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Time to create page: 0.170 seconds