do you put terms and conditions on your friendships?

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12 years 2 months ago #403596 by DiDi
I had a fit of the giggles with Shad's reply as it was the first thing I thought of as well. Just because she is single doesn't mean she is not keeping something quiet. As long as it is not your partner or a good friends partner then any chance you could ring her to say you are calling in and then say "We've been friends for years so what the hell was that about? Are YOU ok?"

I should add that my home was and continues to always be open home but now I find that all my mobile carrying friends do text or ring in advance and to be honest - I like the warning so I too can tidy up any mess, put the kettle on and - or oops - get out of my pajamas! I think that it is the new norm.

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12 years 2 months ago #403598 by Lindeggs
I like people to call before they visit. One of the reasons (but not the only one) is that sometimes in summer I am not "appropriately attired" to receive visitors. Just a 10 minute warning to get dressed would be enough!

Also I work from home and have deadlines to meet, and I do find that even when people don't intend to stay, they do tend to hang around a bit longer than strictly necessary for a chat. When I'm working to a tight deadline this can be very frustrating!

I met a woman once through a friend-of-a-friend and she got my phone number from them. One day out of the blue she called me and asked for my street address. I was a little confused and asked why she needed it. When she said she might decide to pop in on me sometime for a visit, I said I would rather she called first so we could arrange a mutually convenient time.

She took huge offence and said it's people like me who cause society to break down, resulting in crime, etc etc. By the end of the conversation I was really, really pleased I hadn't given her my home address!



[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Missing my lovely chooks

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12 years 2 months ago #403607 by stephclark
i am with Ruth.. it throws out my mental timetable of things to do as well..
i have a friend who pops in.. usually early on the weekend.. drives me nuts as i am not at my most glamorous at 7am nor am i completely with it until i have had time to have coffee and gather thoughts.. conversation at that time?.. hell no :)

also Lindeggs, you are not the only one 'inappropriately attired!! [;)].. i like to get abit of sun when gardening and realy dont like being caught by anyone, when wearing nothing but a small scrap of fabric :) ..embarressing all around..
on the practical side..i live quite aways out and not in a place where friends would be 'just passing' so it makes sense for them to phone ahead to make sure i am home..i do the same with my friends, as i dont want to drive for miles, just to find them out or busy

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12 years 2 months ago #403613 by Mich
Yep - I'm with Ruth and Cinsara too - kindred spirits :-)

Kai, you mentioned there were other reasons why you found this situation offensive - I'm picking that these are the real reasons why you're feeling a bit miffed. Can I suggest that perhaps you give her a call and talk to her about it all? If the friendship was as good as you felt it was, then it sounds to me like something has happened with her and she may have just been taking it out on you - being the person on the spot at the time. Good friendships are hard to find, and it would be terribly sad if the incident will spoil this for you both. She's not upset about you moving away, is she? Good luck.
Cheers, Mich.

Good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help someone up. Anon.

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12 years 2 months ago #403616 by RKH
I prefer a text or a call beforehand too. I have a lot of friends who are stay at home mums and have found that they tend to assume that because I'm home I am available for drop-ins and coffee at any given time that the kids are at school or up from a day-time sleep (that is not in any way a criticism, I know they are busy too). I was asked by one friend what was wrong one day when she popped in as she said I seemed distracted and not myself, it was a great opening to explain that I was actually working and was still thinking about the amount of work I had to get through. Word obviously spread and I now don't feel bad in the slightest when I say that I'm busy and have to reschedule the visit for another time, it is always taken well.

Outside office hours is a different story and I don't have too much of a problem with surprise drop-ins, some of them turn out to be the best times! Most of my friends are the same but I respect the ones that do need to know when/if they are getting visitors (most of them are the clean freaks).

Arapawa Island Sheep, 2 dogs, 2 cats, one huge Kunekune, 4 tiny Kunekune's and some cool chickens.

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12 years 2 months ago #403625 by Simkin
Kai, my first thought was that I know this person!!! But the details in your second post don't match.

Ok, the person I know used to be a very good friend. She drops in whenever she pleases and yes, she'd like a coffee and a piece of cake and a few fertile eggs - no, not the freshly laid ones but eggs from my incubator which are due to hatch very soon (she doesn't like to wait 3 weeks and doesn't want to bother with infertile ones to get maximum number of chicks from one hen) and maybe dig out a few plants from our garden, too. Oh yes, and theres fruit - a bucket of this, and one of that.

However, if I ring at a time inconvenient to her and her husband he picks up the phone and puts it down straight away.

Dropping in at her place? Yeah - right. Her hubby makes sure you only do this once!

She hasn't always been like this but it's getting worse with her so what once was a friendship is no more. She still drops in but not very often which is a relief.

She's actually sought the advice of a life-coach and he told her that to be happy she has to do exactly what SHE wants, not what pleases everyone else. So at least I know the reason for the change.

Maybe the person you know has seen the same life coach[xx(]

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12 years 2 months ago #403626 by Simkin
Oh - and how do I deal with it? I don't go there anymore and I don't have the slightest problem with this - after a few weeks of wondering 'why'.

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12 years 2 months ago #403627 by Cinsara

Simkin;399218 wrote: She drops in whenever she pleases and yes, she'd like a coffee and a piece of cake and a few fertile eggs - no, not the freshly laid ones but eggs from my incubator which are due to hatch very soon (she doesn't like to wait 3 weeks and doesn't want to bother with infertile ones to get maximum number of chicks from one hen) and maybe dig out a few plants from our garden, too. Oh yes, and theres fruit - a bucket of this, and one of that.

Hahahahaha oh lordy :D :D :D

>

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate!

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12 years 2 months ago #403628 by stephclark

Cinsara;399220 wrote: Hahahahaha oh lordy :D :D :D


funny i have a relatives like this as well.. they are happy to take away a couple of bags of fruit,veg, eggs etc on each visit..obviously we are working hard in the garden to provide for everyone and sundry..would it be too hard for them to bring a few seedlings out in exchange?

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12 years 2 months ago #403630 by Hawai
We don't mind people calling in unannounced, although it's easier if they let us know in advance so we can lock up all 9 dogs. [:0]
Visitors who arrive unannounced will have to put up with us in our work attire & I have a little sign right by the kettle that says:
Come in,
Sit down,
Relax,
Converse.
The house doesn't always look like this;
Sometimes it's even worse!
:D

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12 years 2 months ago #403631 by igor
Some foreign tourists once called in at my parents place to ask directions. The Rottweiler jumping up on their car door and putting his head in the open window for a pat gave them a hell of a fright.

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12 years 2 months ago #403633 by kai

Simkin;399219 wrote: Oh - and how do I deal with it? I don't go there anymore and I don't have the slightest problem with this - after a few weeks of wondering 'why'.

This is my solution also.

I can guess at some of the reasons for the sudden demand, though don't want to say. And yes there is a "counselor" on the scene and she consults her over just about every decision and unfortunately I have heard some of her advice and some sounds exceptionally crazy.

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12 years 2 months ago #403643 by igor
I am of the opinion that most counsellors are in that line of work because they are incapable of doing anything useful.

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12 years 2 months ago #403661 by terralee

Ruth;399159 wrote: Some of us are just a bit different from others of us. I really like people coming to visit, but sometimes if they drop in unannounced, I feel quite discombobulated. My brain requires some mental time to adjust to a change in plans, or I feel a bit uncomfortable. It doesn't mean I won't quite quickly adjust to a new plan, but for me to really enjoy a visit, I'm slightly better off if I know it's going to happen, even if only by 20 minutes because of a phone call. Otherwise I feel like my visitor might observe my tortured brain-reorganisation expressions and think they're not welcome, which they generally are. I presume I'm not the only person in the world for whom this is the case. You are very welcome, but for my emotional comfort, in my own little world, let me know when you're on you're way, if you possibly can.

Damn, now outed myself as even more peculiar. :D

Saved me writing all that Ruth :D ...with you all the way[:I] ...when I was young (er) it did not seem to be such a ...hiccup but the older I get more I feel this way[:I] ......besides I like a little warning so I can whip up my famous coffee sponge [^][;)]

Cheers

Leonie & Zoo!!! :silly: :woohoo:

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12 years 2 months ago #403692 by Kiwi303
Coffee sponge? No thank you, I'll take my coffee in a mug thanks :D

Personally, while I was living alone, just dropping by was about the only way to catch me, I ignore the landline phone, it's just there to order pizza deliveries, and I get home and the cell goes in a drawer, only to be pulled out again on my way out the door again... you have more chance of my being online and reading an email in time, than to try and ring or text before dropping by.

And now I'm in china... a series of flights totally 17 hours, with total transit time from in one set of airport door to out the doors here being 51 hours... No-one from back home is going to Just-drop-by :D

But being on campus living in teacher apartments, with 20,000 students in dorms only a few hundred meters away...I expect as time goes by, the more gregarious students will probably start dropping by :p Shoeleather is cheaper than international flights :D

You Live and Learn, or you don't Live Long -anon

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