Attempted Suicide

Hello Cucs,

I have recently finished training in suicide intervention and one of the major messages is to be able to talk openly about the persons suicidal thoughts/plans and to listen to their reasons for wanting to die.

Sadly suicide is a taboo subject in our society and many people feel that they cannot talk to anyone about their suicidal thoughts. This means they end up suffering alone and are at greater risk.

It is important to listen to their reasons for wanting to die until the person feels that these have really been heard. Also, typically in listening to reasons for wanting to die you will find reasons for wanting to live.

It is like having a part that wants to die and a part that wants to live (this is the part that phoned you when she took the overdose). The idea is to acknowledge both these parts and help the person recognise the part of them that that wants to live and then help them come to their own plan to keep this part of them safe.

I also live in dairy flat if you want to talk to someone, or some support. It can be very difficult having someone close to you tell you they want to be dead.

Otherwise another really good resource for both you and your friend may be lifeline 080-543-354

I hope this helps and make sure you also look after you in this tough time!!

Hi Cucs,
It is a really difficult time for you, but please remember that when someone makes the decision to suicide, whether they change their mind or not, they are at the pit of despair at that time. Suicidal people are trapped in their thoughts and simply cannot see a way out. Life really is not worth living for them at that time.
I guess I am trying to say, do not blame yourself or try to take responsibility for her. You can be a very good friend to her, but you cannot be everything.

Good friends make a very big difference though.

hi cucs,

as far as the abuse side of things goes... there are always 2 sides to every story but there is no excuse for abuse of any kind. i have seen relationships where the abuse is very subtle and mostly invisible to those outside it.

i would never consider trying to be there for both parties, care for the person you love and trust that the other will find people to help them see the results of pain they are causing. trying to do both would seem like a recipe for your own breakdown!

i think trying to find out the truth from both sides will very much look like trying to work out who is the most to blame and will hurt and alienate everyone involved... not the effect you seem to be after.

you are doing a loving thing and if it turns out that you can do no more than you already have just know that you did what was possible and the results over the long term are not your responsibility.

tonic;393613 wrote: i would never consider trying to be there for both parties, care for the person you love

Well said []

Listen to her, be there for her, but don't take her crisis on board as something you have to be able to 'fix'. Look after yourself.

Kia kaha.

I saw her today, I simply put the kettle on and listened. I didn't offer solutions. I just let her talk.

Cucs;393625 wrote: I saw her today, I simply put the kettle on and listened. I didn't offer solutions. I just let her talk.

Good for you if you are a 'fixer' personality like so many of us are, it's very hard to not try to sort it all out for other people. When they have to sort it out for themselves...

You sound like a great friend and what you are doing is very brave, it is a very hard place to be when someone you love tells you that they want to die. Good for you!! I hope you are remembering to care for yourself through this

Cucs - just a huge cyber hug from me to you for being a caring friend.

I am not sure that this is current philosophy and stand to be corrected but bear in mind that when you help a friend (not that you wouldn't! - even knowing what I am about to say!) more often than not, when they are hurting through to being healed, whether it is a marriage breakdown, abuse, whatever, you are the most likely person to be cut out of their life afterwards.

Just KNOW that this comes from you being part of the issue (a reminder) but if you quietly stay staunch in that person's life, you will mend the issues that arise over this when they are healed and become more staunch friends that ever - but it can take time.

I have verbalized this because I have been there in the past and unless you understand the potential for this to happen, it can be very painful when you are feeling rejected knowing that you have given your heart and soul to helping a dear friend. It is not personal! Knowing is strength in this situation and the means to long term resolution. Hope that makes sense. All the best

Didi, I don't agree with you that often, but you are right. Suicide attempts, domestic violence is embarrassing and once the crisis is over, the last thing a person wants is a reminder and someone who knows too much about your situation will be that. Some friendships can survive this, but many will not. Yes also been there.