Attempted Suicide

My friend attemped suicide last night with pills, I called the ambulance and bolted to her place. She's now in hospital with a phyiscal all clear and Mental Health Services will see her today. My question is how do I chat to her and get her to open up, she is very good at covering emotions. I know the professionals are there for her,but when she's home...

Talk to the MHS people for tips. But bearing in mind your friend has sort of "opened the conversation" by her attempt, it might be easier than before? Ask honest and thoughtful questions and really listen to what's in the answers, and what isn't. Take time and care, with both of you.

Hi Cucs,

Its not an easy situation to be in. Its great that your friend was unsuccessful. One organisation which is not often thought of in your situation, but can be very helpful is Victim Support.

Give them a phone call and explain the situation, and hopefully they can offer some good suggestions, especially as they often deal with mentally ill people directly.

www.victimsupport.org.nz/contact-us

Good luck

The biggest negative for your friend here is to have all the "power" taken away. Psych services and other professionals will do that in the spirit of meaning well. The only way your friend will find healing is to be able to take control of this and here is where you need to have a lot of patience, be supportive, listen to her, reflect things back for her so she finds the answers to her own queries. It will be hard work for you because human nature is to step in and "rescue". She will in the end have to rescue herself, so play a supportive role for her free of criticism or direction. Be her friend. She will open up to you in her own good time if she wants to.

Well, she has opened up to you: I presume she called you to say that she'd taken the pills? So you know that she trusts you to do the right thing / take action - ie call the ambulance and go to her place. It doesn't matter how you respond now - you can be upset or angry or supportive or whatever, but she started it by taking the pills and then phoning you to tell you what she did.

I agree with both suggestions of talking with the MHS people that she is seeing - she will probably have to tell them that she wants them to talk to you, or for you to be there; and victim support. VS will help you - with all the reactions you could have.

I would recommend you think very hard about getting involved. She did not attempt suicide, she took pills and rang you to get you to come rushing to her aid. these are not the actions of someone wanting to die, they are the actions of someone wanting attention and sympathy. If you continue to respond every time she has a crisis, she will continue having them. She will drain you and have you jumping through emotional hoops. No doubt everyone thinks I am being harsh, but I have been there. The situation cost me a lot and almost had me wanting to commit suicide. Be there for her by all means, but do not do it at the expense of your own health.

Well said, kai. I think what you meant is, to not take your friend's problems as your own, and to not consider that you have to solve your friend's problems. Be there to help, but you must encourage her/him to help self.

i have been i this situation before so have an idea of what you are going through. a family member took pills then came running for help once the reality of the actions set in.

please, please do not take the position that they are attention seeking as that somehow reduces the reality of the severity of the pain they are in. in our case the person truly did not want to die but could not survive any longer with the emotional pain they were suffering. they took the only course of action they could see and then realised the mistake in time to save themselves. seeking help did not change the pain and suffering they were experiencing.

as far as the mhs goes...they will have to go through it now so there is no choices to be made there. i am sure they are helpful in some cases but i have also seen the crippling effect of having all power removed from someone by them.

the concern/fear of not knowing how to help someone in this situation is very difficult to carry, i know. the biggest issue i have seen is the inability of some people to actually listen. that means that you can sit and hear the person out, accepting that whatever they say is their true perspective and very real to them even if you completely disagree with them. they may see things in a distorted fashion, or they may actually be seeing things more clearly than the people around them...

if you can be there to listen and not offer fixes, disagree or feel the need to share your own experiences when they are trying to share theirs, then you will probably find that they will trust you to open up to. from there the time may come when you can help to alter some viewpoints or help them see things in a healthier light... but it will not be welcome coming from someone who has not been there and shown the love of listening properly first.

or they may truly just need someone to hang out with without needing to share the hard stuff.

tonic;393514 wrote:
if you can be there to listen and not offer fixes, disagree or feel the need to share your own experiences when they are trying to share theirs, then you will probably find that they will trust you to open up to. from there the time may come when you can help to alter some viewpoints or help them see things in a healthier light... but it will not be welcome coming from someone who has not been there and shown the love of listening properly first.

or they may truly just need someone to hang out with without needing to share the hard stuff.

Also been there too, and R's words are perfect. I can't add anything

Thank you my LSB forum, I have heard that she has now been discharged from Hospital. She is now with a family relation rather than going back home. Last week she pressed charges against her husband for Domestic Abuse, as I have said to her I am on the side line and do not walk her shoes and cannot see and feel ALL the pain and hurt caused. All of you have given good advice which I will take on board. I believe it will be a slow hard journey for those that care for this person. Thank you for being a wonderful sounding board.

Cucs what you have posted now, sort of changes the situation. There is an obvious cause for her depression, which is actually good as it makes it easier to solve. It also sounds like she has taken the first step to solving the situation herself. But still try and keep your distance whilst being there to support. It is rare in any relationship breakdown that you have all the facts from both sides. I have been there, jumped in and done the wrong thing on more than one occasion.

if police are invovled, victum suport wil more than likley give them acall any way.

Hi all

Victim Support has a seperate team that they refer to for Suicides - we don't deal with them or the fallout from attempts or actual suicide events.

They will however have the number for the team to contact 0800 VICTIM

I'm sorry to hear that your friend is in so much pain, and that she has had an unsafe domestic situation. I do hope she gets well soon

KA

Cucs, please do talk to your friend's husband if you can. There are no black and whites in these situations. It is always a combination of things building up on all sides.

Yeah, there's always another side to belting someone. Violence is an acceptable response and so we must cut the guy some slack.

What sort of world am I still living in????????????