Proper Tool Use

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12 years 7 months ago #28543 by Andrea
Proper Tool Use was created by Andrea
Proper use of tools explained....from a safety perspective of course

DRILL PRESS:A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit!'

SKILSAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. (and great for exfoliating the base of your left thumb!! Ouch!!!)

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use..

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

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12 years 7 months ago #390061 by Organix
Replied by Organix on topic Proper Tool Use
It's worrying how many of those I can confirm by personal experience [:I]

Harm Less Solutions.co.nz
NZ & AU distributor of Eco Wood Treatment stains and Bambu Dru bamboo fabrics and clothing

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12 years 7 months ago #390069 by kate
Replied by kate on topic Proper Tool Use
:D :D Thanks, I needed that!

Web Goddess

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12 years 7 months ago #390074 by sod
Replied by sod on topic Proper Tool Use
Sounds right except SoBtool usually breaks :D :D

Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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12 years 7 months ago #390078 by PalmyCol
Replied by PalmyCol on topic Proper Tool Use

Andrea;384143 wrote: Proper use of tools explained....from a safety perspective of course

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.


Haha hard case, this one in particular also has the uncanny knack of ricocheting off something and breaking something else you didn't want breaking. One of my favourites to :D


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12 years 7 months ago #390139 by BRL
Replied by BRL on topic Proper Tool Use
Don't forget about Murphy's Law as it applies to tools:

Murphy's First Law of Automotive Engineering - any tool, when dropped, will roll to the exact geographic centre of underneath the vehicle.

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12 years 7 months ago #390212 by igor
Replied by igor on topic Proper Tool Use
When lying on one's back under a car the next tool one needs is usually to be found about two inches beyond one's reach.

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12 years 7 months ago #390217 by stephclark
Replied by stephclark on topic Proper Tool Use
yip pretty much sums up my workshop..except the SOB tool, after thrown, will tend to bounce back and hit me..thats when the thing gets up graded :D :D

although i do have a policy.. if something cant be fixed with CRC or hammer ..it was beyond repair...( thats when hubby steps in and does 'man' things and makes it go )..

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12 years 7 months ago #390249 by PalmyCol
Replied by PalmyCol on topic Proper Tool Use

stephclark;384342 wrote: yip pretty much sums up my workshop..except the SOB tool, after thrown, will tend to bounce back and hit me..thats when the thing gets up graded :D :D

although i do have a policy.. if something cant be fixed with CRC or hammer ..it was beyond repair...( thats when hubby steps in and does 'man' things and makes it go )..

Ah I see your making the classic mistake Steph, remember, When in doubt get a bigger hammer :D


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12 years 7 months ago #390367 by sod
Replied by sod on topic Proper Tool Use
PC that is the man thing :) :)

Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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