Ok, sling us your best relationship tips

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12 years 8 months ago #383005 by Mich

thevarneys;376362 wrote: The day after I give some marriage advice[:I]:o we have a hard day with misunderstandings, poor communication, storming off and a few tears :( Was hard at the time but it passes quickly and very funny now :D :D :D :D

Ah, yes, but the important thing was it passed quickly, so the theory worked just fine by the sound of it. :D And you can laugh at it, too, which is even better! :p Way to go!
Cheers, Mich.


Good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help someone up. Anon.

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12 years 8 months ago #383146 by 3 girls farming
don't know if I'm really qualified to advise on relationship things but having been through some pretty low times recently my advice is to work on YOU being happy... go through your music collection and only play happy bright fun music, make sure your house is as bright as possible, get some sun every day and some exercise if you can, read happy books, watch happy movies.. cut anything (and anyone) not useful, joyful or practical out of your life... once you are happy, people around you will start to change ... good luck.. hope it gets better for you...

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12 years 8 months ago #383566 by GloPony
Don't knock the Stepford Wives too much. Although women may think they have changed since those days, men really haven't & being the simple creatures they are, little stuff like a clean house, dinner on the table & nice knickers on the wife can go a l-o-n-g way to having a happy relationship. :p

Mine works out of town all week so he can keep me in the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed. It's the least I can do to greet him at the door with a kiss & a freshly poured bourbon. [^]

I think women just need to accept that men are VERY different from us, they will never understand us (& let's face it, WE don't understand us!!) but we CAN understand them if we accept what they are & stop trying to change them into women. :rolleyes:

Women can learn a LOT from blokes (or horses, who exhibit very similar gender traits)... if a bloke has something bugging him, it is only that ONE thing & that is the ONLY thing he needs to deal with. If a woman has something bugging her, it's most likely related to at LEAST a dozen other things that have been bugging her too.... possibly over a period of years... or a lifetime... think you're dealing with one problem but nnnnooooo..... :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Embrace & acknowledge the gender differences & you should make it through relatively unscathed! :p [;)] :D

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12 years 8 months ago #383599 by DiDi
What an amazing conversation this is. I am aghast as a late 50 year old woman as to what is being said. No doubt this is generational and I don't get it but let's ask one question here. If your guy is not putting as much into making you feel special, then why is his earning the money and being tired and needing to be waited on hand and foot ok?

Are you serious? You are raising the children, working the farm, probably living in track pants 24-7 and you are meant to turn into the bombshell when he arrives home? Do none of you do any research about just how hard it is for women to do what they do against what a guy (assuming white collar) does in a day? Is this a new age of women feeling vulnerable knowing that many men will trade you in on a new model when they hit 50? Think about what your guy is now driving and that will give you a clue.

God knows, I so hope you are right and you will have this man in your life forever but men go through a mid life crisis that makes them as daft as 16 year olds and are easily persuaded by the multitude of single women out there there that they are God on a pedastool so my advise to you is to be yourself, believe in yourself and don't buy into a one sided relationship that is not fulfilling for you. If it is - love it and treasure it but don't advise other women to "pretend" - if that is what they are doing. They will know who they are and click with this answer. Choices are that you make yourself heard, you work with that and if it doesn't work - you leave.

If anyone wants to know where this comes from - it was when I separated from my 28 year marriage and suddenly there were all these married men turning up on the excuse of a coffee until their agenda was obvious. I can't say in real words what I said but it was along the lines of F##? O##! I knew their wives and I was in plain words disgusted and angry.

So obviously, I am totally against any woman out there pretending to be who they are not to hang on to a man because it is really simple - if you don't feel valued and treasured then you aren't, so work it out and how you can make it work without losing you - because making it work is far preferable to being a solo parent or being on your own - but being in a one sided relationship is soul destroying and far worse... in my opinion.

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12 years 8 months ago #383604 by thevarneys
I think a lot of relationship problems stem from one or the other being slightly self centered. It is an amazing thing to see first hand how feelings and opinions can be turned around when you actually choose to love your spouse (that is putting their needs first). It then (usually) becomes a situation where both partners are looking out for the other ones needs, so win-win and everyone happy (or everyones love tanks are full). When you feel loved and cared for you naturally want to do the same back. Its about one person deciding to stop the cycle and make a move on making it better. I guess it doesn't always work like that though. I think a lot of people in the world would do well to look up the defination of 'love' and 'forgiveness'. Because we are all going to stuff up as we are all human, and I cant see how a relationship is possible without those two aforementioned words.
Just my 2 cents worth :D

Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

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12 years 8 months ago #383617 by Mich

GloPony;377003 wrote: Women can learn a LOT from blokes (or horses, who exhibit very similar gender traits)... if a bloke has something bugging him, it is only that ONE thing & that is the ONLY thing he needs to deal with.

Oh that is sooooo true, Glopony :D I find if the one thing that is bugging my DH at any particularly point in time is resolved, all is well with the world. For example I dread it when he can't find something he's looking for - neither of us gets any peace until said object is found :( Once it is, all is again well with the world. Simple. But us women - well, as you say, that's another story entirely [;)]

Good last post The Varneys [^] And DiDi, I liked your post - although at first glance it appeared quite negative, it actually wasn't. I re-read it several times and you make a number of good points, specially about being yourself and knowing your own worth.
Cheers, Mich.


Good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help someone up. Anon.

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12 years 8 months ago #383701 by sod
Thevarneys "love" your post so very true.

Can you women please explain if you are so good at multi tasking how come you can;t have a headache and have sex at same time :D :D never had this problem in our house with that I will leave town very fast lol

Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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12 years 8 months ago #383711 by DiDi
...'cause you are just a tart who loves her bloke to pieces sod! :D And loves all the extras not doubt :D

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12 years 8 months ago #383717 by sod
DiDi me a tart is dat a male tart :D and I get all the extras :D :D and she does love her bloke (ME) to pieces true Just as well for me.

Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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12 years 8 months ago #383747 by KScott_nz
Well when my marriage ended years ago, I realised it was like a deck of cards.

We started off with 2 hearts, by the end all I wanted was a club and a spade.

:D

A married man should always forget his mistakes - there's no point in 2 people remembering the same thing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Auckland club shooters always looking for properties to clear rabbits, magpies and...

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12 years 8 months ago #383816 by DiDi
So true KScott even if you are the bloke in this as it works two ways!

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12 years 8 months ago #383844 by max2
Its probably fair to say we have had some challenging times in recent years and both of us have taken ourselves off for a drive on the occasion, just to get away.
I have learnt a few things lately and they are: don't fight in front of the children or within ear shot. The impact on them is devastating and your fight is not their problem.

Allow the other person (and yourself) to grow (set them free) cause when they start feeling confined in any way depression can set in, they won't talk so much about their day if they believe its going to upset the other without meaning to be sneaky and they become sneaky.

Be careful of how much you say to your friends of what is happening in your relationship because then you are taking it outside of your relationship when it should be something you talk to your spouse about in the first instance. Sometimes in your defence your girlfriends will support you to make decisions that really should be last resort decisions.

and finally two things happened to us recently that blew the cob webs away that week, that was a good long walk on a blowing cold west coast beach (get out of the routine and house) and working together to bring up a ewe from the back (as opposed to having him yell at me for sending it in the wrong direction when he really needs a good dog). It was just like old times.... :)

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12 years 8 months ago #383854 by sod
Swaggie you sure have had your share plus some, good points made, it is hard when a lot are out of your control that cause the problem as in your case glad to hear good things happening :)

Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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12 years 8 months ago #383859 by max2

sod;377325 wrote: Swaggie you sure have had your share plus some, good points made, it is hard when a lot are out of your control that cause the problem as in your case glad to hear good things happening :)


Many thanks Sod, its been a very good year as far as outside influences go, cannot believe how things can swing the other way... and I have changed with it too, hardened up in some cases, chilled out in others. Become a bit more of my own person too. (perhaps the mid 40's hormones have kicked in :D )

But something i forgot to mention above is respect. I have found if you lose respect for someone, and you are close to that person, then the foundations of the relationship change.
I see some partners speak to their spouse like pigs and I think to myself that I wouldn't want to be going home to that, rather be single. so maintaining respect in the way you speak to, and are spoken to, is a big deal in my book.

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