The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.
My mate's missus left him last Thursday
She said she was going out for a pint of milk & never come back! I asked him how he was coping and he said,” Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff." The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife. They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, "Yes." They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus." I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road. The first one picks it up and says, "Blow me, I know this face, but I can't put a name to it." The second picks it up & says, "You're daft ... it's me!"
Did you know, that what you thought I said, was not what I meant :S