Mean Mums

Someday
>> when
>> my children are old enough to
>> understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell
>> them, as my Mean Mum told me: I loved you enough to
>> ask where you were going, with whom, and what time
>> you would be home.
>>
>> I loved you enough to be
>> silent and let you discover that your new best friend
>> was a creep.
>>
>> I loved you enough to stand over
>> you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job
>> that should have taken 15 minutes.
>>
>> I loved
>> you enough to let you see anger, disappointment and
>> tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their
>> parents aren't perfect.
>>
>> I loved you enough to
>> let you assume the responsibility for your actions even
>> when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke
>> my heart.
>>
>> But most of all, I loved you enough
>> to say NO when I knew you would hate me for
>> it.
>>
>> Those were the most difficult battles of all.
>> I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
>> And someday, when your children are old enough to
>> understand the logic that motivates parents, you will
>> tell them.
>>
>> Was your mum mean? I know mine
>> was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
>> While other kids ate lollies for breakfast , we had to
>> have cereal, eggs and toast. When others had a soft
>> drink and cake for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
>> And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that
>> was different from what other kids had,
>> too.
>>
>> Mum insisted on knowing where we were
>> at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison.
>> She had to know who our friends were, and what we
>> were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we
>> would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an
>> hour or less.
>>
>> We were ashamed to admit it,
>> but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws
>> by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make
>> the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry,
>> empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she
>> would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us
>> to do.
>>
>> She always insisted on us telling the
>> truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the
>> time we were teenagers, she could read our minds
>> and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was
>> really tough!
>>
>> Mum wouldn't let our friends just
>> honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come
>> up to the door so she could meet
>> them.
>>
>> Because of our
>> mother we missed out on lots of things other kids
>> experienced. None of us have ever been caught
>> shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever
>> arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now that we
>> have left home, we are all educated, honest adults.
>> We are doing out best to be mean parents just like
>> mum was.
>>
>> I think that is what's wrong with the
>> world today. It just doesn't have enough mean mums!
>>
>> Pass this on to all the Mean Mums you know
>>

LOL
Recently 18 year old son (the one who complained bitterly right through school that he had to have fruit and sandwiches for lunch rather than being allowed to buy a pie) expressed horror at his workmates eating habits "You know they never eat vegies and they keep having fish and chips" Not long before that he said "I'm glad I learnt manners" out of the blue and when queried explained that in his day to day dealings with the public he is amazed how many people can't say please and thank you.

Guess he's growing up and I'm not a mean mum any more.

Our son had his first after school job at New World in the fruit and vege dept. For the first week he thought the checkout people were winding him up when they called him up to identify fruit and veg so they could charge the right amount. But, as it turns out, few of them could tell the difference between lettuce and cabbage[:0] and had no idea what broccolii was. But the one who charged each brussel sprout as an individual cabbage still keeps us amused.
Guess I can put my hand up to join the mean mum brigade too:D

Jeeeeepers single brussels sprouts charged as cabbages. Bet that got expensive! All the more reason not to eat them! (I hate them - always have)

quote:Originally posted by drifter

Our son had his first after school job at New World in the fruit and vege dept. For the first week he thought the checkout people were winding him up when they called him up to identify fruit and veg so they could charge the right amount. But, as it turns out, few of them could tell the difference between lettuce and cabbage[:0] and had no idea what broccolii was. But the one who charged each brussel sprout as an individual cabbage still keeps us amused.
Guess I can put my hand up to join the mean mum brigade too:D

I had the same experience at at the checkout, didn't know what it was, couldn't even guess between a lettuce and cabbge. I told him off and said he would have to EAT more veges then he would know what they were.

Just some more... was recently talking to a woman who had just returned to full time paid employment who said she was feeling exhausted with keeping up with the housework and children as well. Turned out her children were teenagers (3 of them) and suggested she got them to cook one night a week each and give them some housework (given they were now in a position to pay extra pocket money). She said that wouldn't possibly work as her children couldn't cook and didn't know how the washing machine worked or where the vacuum cleaner lived.

I refrained from suggesting it was well and truly time they learned!

Since this is probably a topic parents will read, I shall ask your advice: two children came here for a visit, were entertained, taken on an expedition and when the visit was over, went straight out and sat in their car; no thank you, nothing. What does the non-parent adult do in such a situation? We like to provide such opportunities for the children, but it gets a little trying when there is such a lack of ordinary manners.

I Euuuwwwwed Dads plate of mushrooms on toast one day and he launched into me with a diatribe about not being rude about other peoples food, especially if I haven't tried it. He offered me a taste. After that he had to SHARE his mushrooms.

Mum would always ask us if we wanted broad beans "NO" we said, "well just try a few" she said and piled up a small mound on our plates. "They're good for you". So was silver beet and brussel sprouts and cabbage and peas.... so we ate them and I still do. I may not enjoy them as much as other things on the plate but it makes a balanced meal and I don't suffer from eating them. I got to like most of them, although brussel sprouts are still a bit of a gag.

I have heard two types of children, one was sitting ont he couch watching TV and was hungry. The call went out to his mum. She offered a list of options and he couldn't decide.

The other child was bored. The call went out to her mum. "I'm bored mum" her reply was "So what are you going to do about it?".
It was the usual reply her kids got when they were hungry (wanting a snack) bored, cold whatever. They had to think for themselves. If they were cold, they put something warm on. If they're hungry they'll go raid the vegetable bin.... THE VEGETABLE BIN!!!!
Their mum tried hiding her stash of chocolate at teh back of the vegetable bin, waste of time. The kids found it almost straight away.

They have always been given fresh snacks. I was visiting one day, it was family video day. The kids were all sitting watching the movie and their mum brought in a tray of humus, carrot sticks, celery sticks, florets of broccolie and pieces of apple. Woooosh! It went in a flash, even the pot of humus was scraped clean.
These kids are not angels, but they have been taught to think for themselves. They can sit at the dinner table and join in a conversation with the adults and have quite a lot of interesting points to make. They can actually hold a conversation and discuss topics. They were encouraged to help cook the dinner and even prepare the whole meal under their own initiative.
School holidays were spent making felt pictures, making soap, homemade paper and a whole pile of other fun things.

Very early one morning the eldest decided to keep the other two busy and made some play dough.... he put in sugar instead of salt though and things got quite sticky during the modelling process but they had a great time and their mum and dad were able to have a bit of a lie in.

Their mum spends time with them. She shares her knowledge and shares in their learning. They each had their own bedtime and were in bed and a story read then lights out. Hardly any television. Dad would record the news at six and watch it later in peace and quiet.
It was so boring babysitting them. Once they were in bed that was it.
It was a case of sitting and waiting for their mum and dad to come home.

There seems to be a lack of consequence in childrens minds these days.
Maybe because they'll get away with whatever they've done so having to face a consequence isn't even in the picture.

Some bloke way back in the Roman Empire wrote "the children of today are ill disciplined and no manners" etc etc etc..... he's probably spinning in his grave now.

Yakut

Not sure what you do Isla. I always reckoned I wasn't going to be like my mother but funny how those phrases you hated just fall out of your mouth at the appropriate time. My kids rolled their eyes for years as they left the house to go off somewhere with me saying "Don't forget to say thank you for having me"... Generally I think they remembered though.

In contrast to your visitors we had a very sad little girl visit us a few months ago. She's 11 years old, anorexic, on antidepressants and still having a hard time coping (for a lot of reasons that I won't go into). She had a ride on a horse, gave a cow a carrot, fed chooks and collected the eggs (which she took home with her), ate afternoon tea (apparently a big event) but didn't say a lot. She did say thank you. Three days later a handmade thank you card arrived. It's still sitting on the notice board. I'm not sure what the moral of that story is but there must be one there somewhere.. LOL.

I grew up as a disliked child, not particularly because my manners were missing, but because wherever we went, my sister and I scrapped with each other (it was all her fault! [}]). I feel badly for children now, whose parents do not teach them to be pleasant company, because having to deal with disapproval from adults who don't get the chance to react positively to you is no fun. I like interacting with children, but my patience with rudeness is not strong.

Have some nieces like that. One in particular saddens me a lot. She does have basic manners but she is often just obnoxious (and she's a teenager now) It is as though she just completely lacks social skills. It's a shame because she is beautiful and intelligent but has few friends and is so difficult to have a conversation with - well you talk to her and get grunts and monosyllables back (if she doesn't ignore you completely) unless it is something she is particularly anti about and then you will hear in detail how much she hates whatever. Sadly I could see it in her when she was two or three though so I think it was there from a very early age. Not sure if it is relevant or not but her parents have never been able to agree on discipline and the argument is often conducted in front of the children (something I personally don't believe in as I have always felt parents should be a united front).

They probably went to play some game out in the car and never thought it not very sociable.. I guess if I had gone to a lot of trouble, I would have gone up close to the car and held a conversation with myself about all the things I did before these kids came and how I now knew not to bother anymore cos they obviously didnt like it.. sortta have a pretend friend to talk to... then walk away as tho the moment never happend.. then give[}][}] an evil laugh as you get out of earshot..

quote:Turned out her children were teenagers (3 of them) and suggested she got them to cook one night a week each and give them some housework (given they were now in a position to pay extra pocket money).

In our house housework is done by those who live in the house:Dand nobody gets paid for it. So I rarely cook dinner as I'm often driving to sports practices etc. Whichever child is not at sports practice cooks, veges and all!

Isla, the best technique I've found is to say clearly: " Thank you for coming. I have had a great time with you". The kids always say thank you back, usually with no resentment at all - the parents are often embarrassed for not prompting it first!

Some of you may remember me discussing my foster son who was having a great deal of difficulty remembering to shut gates. Well we've worked through that and many other problems, and he is developing into a lovely young man. He is able to cook adequately for his age, has great manners, does basic housework (sometimes without even being asked - like empting the dishwasher). Some other things that he does just about everytime: hangs up his towel after a shower, hangs up the bath mat, changes the toilet roll if he finishes it (none of my friends believe a male child could be trained to do that;)), puts his own clothes out to be washed. I am sure we'll loose some of this when he becomes a teenager, but I'm enjoying it at the moment!

See, that's why I didn't have kids, just can't be bothered with the constant training requirements. I tell them once, I expect them to do it the next time. Unrealistic, I realise. I've adjusted my own environment to suit my expectations. Works for me.

The Staff knows if it's not right, he'll simply have to go! [}]