Forward Planning

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11 years 7 months ago #25336 by L Plates
Forward Planning was created by L Plates
Last week our son and his girl announced their engagement.

So now we are in the throws of organising a wedding :rolleyes:

Although no specific date has been set yet, they looking at tying the knot in approximately 20 months. However I believe that some places get booked up about a year in advance.

So where do we start??

Anyone got any suggestions for an Auckland venue - bearing in mind we have a limited budget.

There is so much to think about.

TIA

LP

Tyke Dorpers

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11 years 7 months ago #354961 by max2
Replied by max2 on topic Forward Planning
We were married in a restaurant (hired a room) and so our guests had the choice of the menu, rather than a short list we picked that mostly never tastes nice but costs your 2nd born.

However you haven't mentioned the parents of the Bride and what input they might want to have. However ''well'' you future daughter in law gets on (or not) with her folk, weddings seem to take over everybody when in the end the bride and groom have other plans...

personally I would sit back, pour a cuppa and see what ideas they (B & G) have and then see where you can fit into that grand plan.

(and I don't mean to be horrible).

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11 years 7 months ago #354962 by DiDi
Replied by DiDi on topic Forward Planning
Congratulations to your son his bride to be.

Hit the internet and get very confused! Laugh. This is not a bad one www.weddingmanor.com/checklist.PDF but the one my daughter found started with "Discuss the budget and type of wedding and who will pay for what".

I thought that was an extremely important starting point as it can all get a bit over the top very easily. When my daughter showed me her guest list of well over 100, it was time for a serious talk about who were casual friends and where were our family and friends. You can laugh - but without taking over the dream from the happy couple to be (no no) you do have to keep an eye on it if you are being asked to pay a big chunk of it.

You are on the right track. The venues get booked out long in advance as can the celebrant/church/ ? along with a good photographer. Now they can cost a fortune!

There is some good info on the nz sites - I think NZ Bride is a big one. Seriously though - there is no reason not to have it in your back garden, on a beach in barefeet, have friends make the food and cake in lieu of a present. Heaps of options so enjoy looking. I know West Auckland has heaps of vineyards as venues (just Google Wedding venues + West Auckland) but usually very expensive. Also go visit - don't trust the pictures on the Net.

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11 years 7 months ago #354963 by highgirl
Replied by highgirl on topic Forward Planning
I'd agree with swaggie...sit back and wait.

My first wedding was at my mums, ceremony and all with a marquee, spit roast and duke box. My husband, my dad, and my mum all went 3rds in it.

My second wedding (obviously I didn't want or expect any input from parents) was at 6.47am when the sun rose [:0] at Castle Hill. We then had a bit of a breakfast afterwards...(it was small) and then a BBQ later in the afternoon at my PIL's.

But as swaggie points out, your son and future DIL may have ideas of their own...especially DIL :D Us females sometimes have very definite ideas, and treading lightly is a good idea [;)] Mind you I'm probably on the stroppier end of the spectrum [:I]

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11 years 7 months ago #354964 by SarahM
Replied by SarahM on topic Forward Planning
I organised my own wedding about three years ago and found I had to be very organised. I kept a little notebook with categories such as florist, venue, transport, catering, clothing, accommodation, photographer (for example).

The first big thing I realised in my wedding planning is to SET A DATE. You can't book anything or get very far without a date. Also send the invites out early so that guests can book cheaper flights etc.

When looking at venues, make sure you see their menus early in the piece. A lot of venues had really "hoity toity" food that I knew my guests wouldn't like (like stuffed pigeon [xx(]). In the end I settled for a choice of three meats (blue cod, beef and lamb) and veges.

Good luck with the planning. There's a NZ wedding forum somewhere on the net - I'm sure you could Google to find it, as I can't remember the name.:rolleyes:

5 acres, husband, daughter, son, me, about 12 sheep and their lambs, currently no ram (yay!), 2 Galloways, about 35 chooks, 3 cats and 2 budgies.

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11 years 7 months ago #354975 by beedee
Replied by beedee on topic Forward Planning
When my daughter did her dash, she and partner did everything. I just had to support, like agree to the right wedding dress etc, they had a budget and stuck to it, they planned the lot, helped by the fact that she had been a maitre de, she knew the catering side of things, what to attend to and already had contacts.........
I helped by doing searches and sending websites for her to then pour over and decide on, but had no say in the plan as such, and think that is the best way.......... I gave my little list of friends that had played a part in her life, not mine, and family members that had watched her grow up, not all....... and then it was up to her.
Most important was our vet, whose daughter had been in school with her, and not only been the family friend but vet to my friend who happens to also be the MIL and now to their own cat/dog... so he had a triple invite as such.
So just roll the eyes .. and wait to be told what your role is. state your $$ input and remind them that is it, if they save and dont use it all, it can go for the deposit on the house etc.
Auckland is hard and the prices way OTT so look just a little way out, or maybe an LSB, with a large haybarn if the $$$ are rare, my nephew got married just 3 mths later in the auck area,and their costs were 3 x more and the places chosen were less than 1/2 the ideal to what my daughter had, but nothing else was available to them.. so one site a bit further out so wedding/reception means one drive and not shooting all over the place ... so less stress for all concerned.
good luck

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11 years 7 months ago #354977 by L Plates
Replied by L Plates on topic Forward Planning
To be quite honest I have absolutely no intentions of taking over, Nothing would give me greater pleasure than sitting back and letting the B & G and her family plan it all and pay for most of it. But I think the days of the Brides family paying for their daughters wedding are long gone.

I don’t have a problem with us contributing, but I can’t help worrying about what they are expecting from us and I don’t want WW3 breaking out – this should be a happy time.

We have been asked for our suggestions (it’s not just me sticking my beak in), I feel duty bound to come up with some realistic ideas.

Didi – B & G did price up some vineyards and said they were expensive.

So thank you all for your suggestions so far.

LP

Tyke Dorpers

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11 years 7 months ago #354980 by max2
Replied by max2 on topic Forward Planning
when I was married for the first time (I have married again) my In laws offered to put X amount on the bar for the wedding, the rest was up to my parents and I.
Of course my Parents went with what I wanted, being the only child. But that was the amount of input my in laws wanted and really apart from asking them who they wanted at the wedding and going with their list, that was it really....their first born Daughter was my matron of honour, and apart from my Hubby not wanting one of his brothers, that was his bag to sort out, not mine.

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11 years 7 months ago #354987 by DiDi
Replied by DiDi on topic Forward Planning
L Plates - it is important to know what is being expected of you to ensure it is not unrealistic. Can you perhaps have a word with your son and explain that you are thrilled for them, want to help in whatever way you can BUT are also a little worried about how much you can afford to contribute financially. Nothing wrong with honesty!

West Auckland and I think of all my relatives of a certain ethnicity (European) and KNOW that anything less than a bank braking exercise would not be an option for their little girl.

No doubt you know the girl and her family so will have a better idea then me so this may all happen naturally and not be necesssary to raise - certainly not yet on top of the engagement joy - but you do need to know sooner than close to the wedding! Grin. All the best.

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11 years 7 months ago #354990 by ronnie
Replied by ronnie on topic Forward Planning
My nephew got married earlier this year out Kumeu way. Cant remember the name of it, but can get it for you if you like. They had the ceremony in the garden of the venue, drinks and nibbles after and a sit down meal for about 70 then a band and dancing all night. Bar tab open till midnight, then pay for your own. I'm sure it did not come cheap but was very, very enjoyable and what they both wanted. The venue had chalets up and down the street for guests to stay in, if wanted. The chalet we were in slept up to 10 people.

It was suggested to them that they cut the expense down and spend the money on a house deposit, but it was the white wedding they both wanted so it was a case of so be it.

Fantastic venue and fantastic food. Let me know if interested and I will find out the name of it for you.

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11 years 7 months ago #354998 by L Plates
Replied by L Plates on topic Forward Planning
The big question is - How much does a wedding cost?
I know - it's a bit like how long is a piece of string.

It would be a lot easier if they just eloped - but she wants a white wedding with all the trimmings. In theory it sounds lovely.

I guess the only thing we can really do, is get lots of prices of everything, and then all sit down together and discuss all the options and the finances, and hopefully make some decisions without falling out.

So yes please Ronnie if you could let me know the name of the place your nephew used we could include them in our research.

Cheers

LP

Tyke Dorpers

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11 years 7 months ago #355003 by Kiwi303
Replied by Kiwi303 on topic Forward Planning
You have an LSB, and you know when the wedding is going to be, so look ahead and get a nice piglet or two and a couple of lambies early in time to have they just the right size to fit on a spit roast from one of the hire companies... a LOT of the catering cost seems to come from way overpriced meat, and it's easy enough to send a couple of lambs and a free ranged lean grass fed pig off to a FSANZ abbatior and get the whole carcasses back certified to feed to strangers.

Buy cheap immature reds of good vintages now and stick several cases away in the back of the shed somewhere and save up to a third of the wine bill over buying good matured wine on the day, since they'll be more mature and a decent tipple by the time 20 months rolls around.

Planting half an acre of taters is probably over the top, but if you plan ahead and have supplies available ex-LSB rather than ex-Caterers then you can keep prices down and quality way up easily enough.

You Live and Learn, or you don't Live Long -anon

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11 years 7 months ago #355033 by L Plates
Replied by L Plates on topic Forward Planning
Hey Kiwi303 I like the idea of buying the wines now and stocking up over the course of the next few months. not quite so sure about the piglet and lambs, we don't want to upset/offend anyone, and then of course we would have the problem of getting someone to do the cooking and preparations. I think it could be worthwhile pricing up a marquee etc though. mmmmm

Keep those ideas coming.

LP

Tyke Dorpers

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11 years 7 months ago #355054 by Sue
Replied by Sue on topic Forward Planning
My thoughts would be to step back, let the couple do the planning and then step in to help where you can at a later date!

Having had both a son and a daughter married it is the Bride that usually gets the most involved with all the details-the bloke just goes along with the planning, and the Groom's parents just foot the bill for some of the cost!

Actually in the old fashioned days there used to be a list of what was the responsibility of the Grooms parents and the Brides parents. However in this day and age a lot depends on what the couple want and how much they are able to contribute themselves.

Sue
Labrador lover for yonks, breeder of pedigree Murray Grey cattle for almost as long, and passionate poultry person for more years than I care to count.

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11 years 7 months ago #355058 by SarahM
Replied by SarahM on topic Forward Planning
Just a few more thoughts - I like the idea of BYO wine and food BUT a lot of restaurants/catering venues will only allow their own food and wine to be served, OR they charge an excessive corkage fee for BYO wine.

I found in the end that it was cheaper just to order wine off the menu at the venue.

As for cost - :o[:I] I had a white wedding with all the trimmings. I reckon it was in the vicinity of $15-20K. I know it's not what everyone wants, but I'm just telling because the question was asked above (this is the wedding we wanted and we were in our 30's and 40's). The wedding was in Queenstown - so probably similar to Auckland prices. I kept costs down by bringing my wedding cake by an Invercargill baker, and bringing in an Invercargill photographer and florist.

Also another thought - where are most of the guests coming from? Most of ours were from Invercargill and Chch, so we had our wedding in Queenstown which is in the middle. Queenstown was also an important place to me because of childhood holidays. Does the wedding need to be in Auckland? Perhaps you can escape those Auckland prices?

5 acres, husband, daughter, son, me, about 12 sheep and their lambs, currently no ram (yay!), 2 Galloways, about 35 chooks, 3 cats and 2 budgies.

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