Childrens politics - do you get involved?

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14 years 4 months ago #21348 by max2
Vent

Yep its 3.47am and I cannot sleep, I am so upset for E and not sure if I should do anything more about it.

We had a new family move recently into our road (and area) and E was duly introduced to the daughter her by a neighbours grand daughter. they are similar ages.

Prior to that E used to hang and play with another neighbour's slightly older son (P) and all seemed quite happy. We did get some funny remarks made to us about him when he first started to hang about but as usual I took no notice and let them go for it.

In the last couple of weeks there has been no sign of P around here until we noticed him or the new neighbour going here or there in each others parents cars.
By chance they turned up together here on Thursday afternoon and started to play with E outside.

I went to the barn and found my chickens all locked out of their room within the barn and asked E what they were doing by shutting the chickens out.
I discovered that the water had been tipped over and empty and she hadn't fed them. The chickens wanted to get back into their section.

Apart from saying they were playing ''a'' game, there was no other reply. P and the new neighbour just looked at each other and I asked them all again what were they doing locking the chickens out.

No reply and so I gave my spiel about not playing in my chookhouse and that it wouldn't be acceptable to P's father for them to play in his cow shed either... anyhow I then said along the lines that they could really have a great time together playing and P said that they were banned from coming to our place[:0][:0] (so I wasn't sure then what they were doing here if that was the case) I said I have never ever banned you from coming here, and then P said you are telling everyone my dad is saying.............. (completely untrue) and my mum says I am not allowed here anymore.

Well you could have knocked me over with a feather. P was clearly angry and then started to accuse E of throwing animal poo at him (they were in the other end of the barn at that stage and when i walked in, no one had manure in their hands) but I let that go, it wasn't important.

I stated to P that was certainly not the case re his father and if his Mum wanted to discuss this with me she was more than welcome to pop around. I also said if there was an issue then it shouldn't go through them as children but me. They agreed and I left it at that, still shocked.

shortly after E came and asked if she could go to P's place for 1/2 hour which she did and was welcomed by the Mother. E came back with the new neighbour so she stayed for dinner.

I took her home afterwards and had a chat with her Mum asking her if there was anything wrong or if she had heard of a problem which she hadn't but it turned out P was telling them we were away for 3 weeks (we weren't) told them he had tried to telephone to see if E wanted to play and there was no answer (we have an answer phone on 24/7) basically a few things which made it look like E wasn't available to play.

I am still angry about it and I wonder what P is telling his Parents in turn? I don't get to speak with them much, and I thought next time I might ask what the situation is, but then I also don't want to be how my mother was with my friends and destroy whatever chance E has of being mates or at least get along with others because I made things worse.

So I will stay quiet for now and wait and see.... but wondered if others had find themselves in similar tricky moments and whether they made things better or worse along the way by reacting?

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14 years 4 months ago #310206 by Valmai
Sounds to me as though P got carried away playing with the new kids on the block and then had to make 'excuses' to E as to why he hadn't been around for awhile. I would think his parents are totally unaware of the whole thing.

Oh and they were about to do something around the chook house they knew was not allowed. ;)

Carbon-based biological unit.

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14 years 4 months ago #310214 by Jan
Having a 6 and 10 yr old...i know what you mean..How old is E?

But I would leave them to it. I agree with Valmai , I would say P was with the new kid and didnt want E to know , maybe embarrassed. They will get back to normal again soon. I would say the parents didnt know about his little porkies to you...

In my kids experience when a newbie arrives, friendship goes haywire for a bit as everyone wants to play with the newbee or sometimes the parents push the issue of go play with the new kid. But invariable it works itself out and Im sure P and E will get back playing together and the newbee may or maynot join them.

My daughter (10) had a similar thing happen recently when a new kid arrived to school, her friend of 4 years went off with the newbee and left my daughter out. But it sorted itself out and shes back with her best friend again.

As for the chook house...hmm yup sounds like they were doing or about to do something they shouldn't be doing I remember those days lol[;)]

Jan

______________________________________
North Wairarapa on 30 odd acres of paradise.
ahorseofcourseormaybetwo.blogspot.com/

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14 years 4 months ago #310221 by beedee
Sounds like the green eye little fibs are at work... time to become a mommy mafia, keep ears to the ground.... and eyes on full alert.. supervise play times, by getting involved more.. e.g could they make xmas cookies together instead of being in the barn.. my first thought on reading the sentence with the chooks was they had been playing at being roosters and hens [a new twist on docs and nurses].. so his comments were light relief.. and get to know the parents more, so if the fibs are going home, then you have a better relationship to all sit and laugh over kids being kids, rather than sort it out with pain involved.
Me finnks this is a lad who wants his cake and eat it also, so putting a wedge between his "friends" and/or covering up a guilt complex.

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14 years 4 months ago #310223 by max2
E is turning 12 in February so I would have hoped old enough not to be swayed into misbehaving around the chooks, however kids do stupid things at times to be accepted or popular or just go with the flow of what everyone else up to, regardless of right or wrong. A bit of a shame really as she is a sensible kid the rest of the time.

SOH isn't impressed with P at all and would prefer E not to be associated with him. It has made SOH cautious as to how much he let's her do when P is around, compared to having other friends about then there isn't a problem.

I am still shocked though that I was dragged into P's argument and used as an excuse as to why they (he) hadn't been over. What sort of child does that to an adult at such a young (13) age? Perhaps SOH can see trouble on the horizon after all.

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14 years 4 months ago #310225 by beedee
He is a future politician...... which matches your topic heading.
Nah 12 is more dangerous than 8.. they want to be liked at 12... at 8 its still pure innocence that they think they ARE liked!!!!
I cant help but have a giggle that you succumbed and were hoodwinked into the arguement and now feel a gulible vulnerable adult .. better practice that firewall a little better over the next few weeks.. but get some sleep first.
I was lucky as I still had the label as witch, so no kid tampered with my aura.. it worked until the girls left school, and were actually asked at uni if there mother was one.... so it pays to do school trips away for a week and play tricks on the kids and never own up but leave them wondering!!!!

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14 years 4 months ago #310229 by DiDi
Personally I would be keeping a very close eye on what is going on. E has been persuaded to allow behaviour (chook problem) that she would know is not agreeable to you. I would be wondering what else she could be persuaded to get involved with especially as the lad is older than her.

I hope you know that I am not intending to undermine E in any way with these comments (having raised two daughters) but she is at a very vulnerable age. I'd follow SOH's instinct as it is the one I felt first when reading your thread. Eyes open Mum!

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14 years 4 months ago #310230 by Jan
Hmm yes 12/13 is a bit older than my two, I would keep a eye on them and yes get to know the boys parents more. Maybe have a BBQ and invite Ps family over.

Jan

______________________________________
North Wairarapa on 30 odd acres of paradise.
ahorseofcourseormaybetwo.blogspot.com/

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14 years 4 months ago #310239 by sod
Let P see SOH has a shot gun :):) "You messa with mine I messa YOU" evil laugh But I would be as others said keeping an eye on P I think I go with SOH on this call. Safe not sorry

Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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14 years 4 months ago #310243 by max2
many thanks for letting me bounce it around. :)

Yes Beedee he did hookwink me as I have never come across a child/young adult speak to me that way before (well E and I have our two do's) but for an outsider and One we haven't known for very long, well!.[:0]

I shall be better prepared next time, although he hasn't been back since Thursday evening, but sniffing around at the newbie's place who has gone out today.;)

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