I am fine (I think)

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13 years 1 month ago #18162 by Hestia
I am fine (I think) was created by Hestia
For you that know me.

Yes, hubbie is dead now.
I managed to keep him at home all the way as I promised him, he did literally die in my arms.
He felt very guilty and depressed during his sickness because he thought he left me with too much to handle and too much not sorted and no insurances. House is a mess and garden is a mess and heaps of things to de-clutter.
Guys get insurances!
You might not just die you might be sick for a long-long time with heaps of extra costs and leave your family in deep debt!
Get insurances!!
I asked family for help wanted them so sit and talk with him and let me have one nights sleep away from third hourly medication to charge my battries,,,,they only came when he passed,,,&%^%$^#$#$. ('scuse me my language)
What I never thought would happen did happen! People wanting his stuff and giving directions of how they wanted his funeral to be strictly against his will. I was scared and tired and no back up and at the end I stopped answering the phone and locked both gates and door.
My 76 year old dad, that lives in lappland, told me over the phone that what happened is "tradition" when people die, my dad has a sarcastic dry humour.
I am proud over that I managed to be there for him all the way and do what he wished for.
I have heaps of sleep to catch up with. So much to organise and clean up house and garden and try to get back to a normal life again,,whatever that is.
I am fine,, I know that I will fall down in to black holes now and then and maybe even many months down the track.
I have mini holes every day,, I see something and think for a split second that wait until I get home and tell hubbie this,,but he isn't at home any more.
I so miss the great communication we had a and he was a great kiwi man to live with! He was open in communication and polite and helpfull and had a great sense of humour.
Beedee has been with me today,,got a good social chat.
Thanks Beedee :)

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13 years 1 month ago #269653 by maggies mum
Replied by maggies mum on topic I am fine (I think)
Aww Hestia, I have been thinking of you and was so sorry to hear about your husband.

Good to see you back here. XXXXX

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13 years 1 month ago #269654 by pataka
Replied by pataka on topic I am fine (I think)
We have never met - but I want to send you a hug anyway. Life can be so tough at times - and it sounds like you have more than your fair share to deal with right now. I am not sure where you are but if you are anywhere near the Bay of Plenty I am happy to help out any way I can with gardening/house stuff etc.
Take good care of yourself

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13 years 1 month ago #269655 by Hestia
Replied by Hestia on topic I am fine (I think)
I have a big legacy to do.
I am to write down what did not work in the health care.
Do not ever want any kiwi to experience what we experienced. I owe this to you guys that did support me.
(we talk about major pain with no help given even though it was available, no referals given even though the help did exist, I call it neglect)
I am also going to volontair help for those that go thru the same as I have done since I now know what this is.

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13 years 1 month ago #269657 by reggit
Replied by reggit on topic I am fine (I think)
(((((hugs))))) glad to see you back here [:I] so sorry for what you have been through. You are a very brave woman...

Funny, I was thinking of posting something along the same lines about insurance. My FIL is in the final stages (well, could be two months, could be 12) of prostate cancer, and although they have had much more support than Hestia and her hubby through hospice and family, it has been a struggle and a fight every step of the way to get what he needs as far as care, operations and supplies.

He is now totally incontinent, and they have just been told by the hospital that he can only have four more pads to last him until the end of the week - as the supplier is changing systems and they are running out! [:(!] How bad is that. Hopefully Waikato disability centre will have some that can be purchased in the meantime.

He needs further medical help with the problems he is having with his bladder to give him some quality of life with the time he has left, but because he is under hospice, the doctors are pretty much ignoring him. Once you are on the 'to die' list, it seems, no matter how far along the track that might be, you are a forgotten statistic. Euthanasia is illegal here, but instead we will let people die in pain and discomfort as the most 'civilised' option...

Medical insurance would have made all the difference to his treatment at the start of his cancer and throughout. We have a friend close to his age with the same cancer who has been treated privately so we are able to compare what might have been with what is.

Hestia, my heart goes out to you, and for your hubby, rest in peace.

Take a break...while I take care of your home, your block, your pets, your stock! [;)] PM me...

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13 years 1 month ago #269658 by bev
Replied by bev on topic I am fine (I think)
Wow, so sorry Hestia, my condolences.
I got an email from beedee saying she was heading over, but i never had the time reply, now reading this post, makes me realise that i need to slow down and go smell the 'silage' with people i know.
Again, my condolences, and hope thing will turn out good for you at this bad time.

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13 years 1 month ago #269659 by Birman Babe
Replied by Birman Babe on topic I am fine (I think)
Hey girl, good to see you back posting on the forum.
I am sure you enjoyed your time with Beedee.
You should be so very proud of yourself, you really are a strong person.
Must be those "foreign genes" of yours ... lol
Yell out if you want to meet for a coffee in Paeroa at any time.
Purrrrrs....

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13 years 1 month ago #269660 by Hestia
Replied by Hestia on topic I am fine (I think)
I say as I say to everyone,,forget about surgery insurences!
when you need a surgery you will get it!
a mortgage insurance is the MAJOR thing!
if you have that you can concentrate on just working part time and look after the one that is sick.
If we just had had the mortgage insurence we would had been "fine"!
But hubbie thought I would do fine if he died, yes, I would had done fine if he "just" died,,but long sickness,, all extra costs as travel to hospital several times per week and cost of parking garage at the hospital ooooh!!!! and all medication that was not subsidised,,it gave me heaps of extra costs.

I know which socities to donate money to and which never to give one dime to!!
I won't tell which not to donate to.
The one to donate to is Hospice with the Gallagher foundation behind them and the sallies!
those do give help!
www.hospicewaikato.co.nz/

,,other you donate money to do not give help! sad but true.

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13 years 1 month ago #269661 by The Kats Place
Replied by The Kats Place on topic I am fine (I think)
It's lovely to see you getting back to 'normal' - whatever that is. We haven't seen you here for a while but you were in all out thoughts and prayers.
You are a very strong lady and I admire you. Don't push yourself to hard, there is plenty of time to get stuff sorted. Big hugs.

kats
Live your life in such a way that it will be easy for people to say nice things at your funeral [;)]

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13 years 1 month ago #269662 by ronnie
Replied by ronnie on topic I am fine (I think)
Oh Hestia, I have so been thinking of you lately and wondering how things were going. I had a read thru your porperty listing again, and felt so sad doing so. I now know why.

You have been so strong through all the things the Health system has thrown at you. I am sure you will stay strong thru the days to come.

Take care and do give yourself time to grieve........

Hugs from the Southern contingent........

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13 years 1 month ago #269663 by kindajojo
Replied by kindajojo on topic I am fine (I think)
one day at a time...so sorry for you and your husband.
stay strong estpeially around the relatives....lovkingthe gate is a good option

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13 years 1 month ago #269667 by Kalmara
Replied by Kalmara on topic I am fine (I think)
Hugs Hestia - condolences on your hubbys passing, stay strong.

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13 years 1 month ago #269677 by terralee
Replied by terralee on topic I am fine (I think)
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} from here too Hestia ...God Bless you.

Leonie & Zoo!!! :silly: :woohoo:

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13 years 1 month ago #269679 by spoook
Replied by spoook on topic I am fine (I think)
Of course you are fine, well ..... you will be.
Between your own strength and the power of friendship you will survive.
You know there are lots of us out here thinking of you, draw on that and be strong.

Glad Beedee visited, she is a bit of an angel that way. [;)] [:X]

There are no bad questions only those that are not asked.
"You are responsible, forever, for what you have tamed"

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13 years 1 month ago #269683 by NZ Appaloosas
Replied by NZ Appaloosas on topic I am fine (I think)
Oh Hestia, we're so sorry to hear about your husband's passing. Can't do much from this far away, but if you ever need an ear or shoulder, let me know.

Diane


Featuring Wap Spotted, sire of the first Wap Spot 2 grandget in Southern Hemisphere and New Zealand

On the first day God created horses. On the second day He spotted the best ones.

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