NCEA answers :-)

  • chooky
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14 years 7 months ago #18013 by chooky
NCEA answers :-) was created by chooky
The following questions were set in last year's NCEA level 1 examinations.
These are genuine answers from 16 year old pupils who all live in Upper Hutt, Wellington

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U

Q What is the fibula
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

Q What does the word 'benign' mean
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q What is a turbine
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

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  • maggies mum
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14 years 7 months ago #267486 by maggies mum
Replied by maggies mum on topic NCEA answers :-)
Crying with lafter here! :D:D:D

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  • chooky
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14 years 7 months ago #267488 by chooky
Replied by chooky on topic NCEA answers :-)
Tena lady required ?? :D [;)]

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14 years 7 months ago #267489 by Inger
Replied by Inger on topic NCEA answers :-)
Oh dear. And these are some of those who have to join the workforce in a few years? hmmmm
45 hectares between Whangarei and Paparoa. Registered Dexter cattle, Wiltshire sheep - black, white & pied.
New Hampshire Red poultry & Dorking poultry. Pilgrim Geese, Appleyard Ducks.
A cat called Pusscat and still looking for another heading dog.

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14 years 7 months ago #267494 by sandramiro
Replied by sandramiro on topic NCEA answers :-)
Some of them may be joking :confused:[;)][:0] I remember starting High School and being given some IQ test and one of the questions was " Is the moon made from green cheese" and it was a yes/no answer. I couldn't believe they would have such a ridiculous question so i answered yes just for the hell of it :D [;)] :p :D

Sandra

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14 years 7 months ago #267498 by Isla
Replied by Isla on topic NCEA answers :-)

chooky;247158 wrote: The following questions were set in last year's NCEA level 1 examinations.
These are genuine answers from 16 year old pupils who all live in Upper Hutt, Wellington

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Obviously from a family in the mouse breeding business.
www.diggersvalley.co.nz

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14 years 7 months ago #267501 by drifter
Replied by drifter on topic NCEA answers :-)
I always laugh when I see this it's so funny :D

*It has, of course, been around the net for years in one form or another.
Strange how much you've got to know, Before you know how little you know.

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14 years 7 months ago #267566 by sod
Replied by sod on topic NCEA answers :-)
Don't see the joke aint they the right answers?
Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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14 years 7 months ago #267576 by Dream Weaver
Replied by Dream Weaver on topic NCEA answers :-)
Great read for abit of light relief and laughter. But gees makes you wonder what teh hell the next generation will become. Good one Chooky

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14 years 7 months ago #267586 by Rustie
Replied by Rustie on topic NCEA answers :-)
very funny, although i've seen them all before ages ago but they were entitled High School Certificate, so they're obviously madeup.

Also, NCEA level 1 students are 15 not 16 years old usually [;)] :D
A good friend will bale you out of jail.
A real friend will be sat in there with you!

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14 years 7 months ago #267692 by FencerMan
Replied by FencerMan on topic NCEA answers :-)
Probably not realy....but im from Upper Hut...hmmm lol

Love the answer about keeping milk fresh...Probably a farm kid! And you cant argue with the logic can ya :P
Do something.

Either lead, follow, or get out of the way.

'Ted Turner'

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