Male V Female

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15 years 4 months ago #15231 by cowmad
Male V Female was created by cowmad
I dont normally bother passing these on but these are rather good I thought![:0][:0][:0]



WIFE VS. HUSBAND


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'







The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.




WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'




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15 years 4 months ago #231819 by maggies mum
Replied by maggies mum on topic Male V Female
Very good! The first one has gotta be my fav! That's the sort of thing I would say! :D:D

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15 years 4 months ago #231821 by maggies mum
Replied by maggies mum on topic Male V Female
Had to post this, be warned there are a couple of naughty swear words!:rolleyes:

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15 years 4 months ago #231823 by organicltd
Replied by organicltd on topic Male V Female
The Silent Generation...
People born between
1925 and 1945.

The Baby Boomers...
People born between
1946 and 1964.

Generation X...
People born between
1965 and 1982.

Generation Y...
People born between
1983 and 1997.

Why do we call the last group of people
Generation Y?
I had no idea until I saw this caricaturist's
Explanation! A picture is worth a thousand words.

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Wine does not make you FAT it makes you LEAN...
....against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

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15 years 4 months ago #231826 by Dream Weaver
Replied by Dream Weaver on topic Male V Female
Im a proud baby boomer lol them were the days.

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15 years 4 months ago #231845 by lea
Replied by lea on topic Male V Female
Hey baby boomers unite at least we dont show our Y'S LOL
Loved the first jokes too :)

Living on our 5 acres of land. Busy fencing and planting. Have dogs, cats and chickens. We also have cattle, sheep, goats, and geese.
Full-time working + plus full-time on the block. [|)]

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15 years 4 months ago #231847 by sod
Replied by sod on topic Male V Female
Me baby boomer too must have bin good as I don't remember much of it:D

Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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15 years 4 months ago #232013 by cowmad
Replied by cowmad on topic Male V Female


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)













WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'





UNDERSTANDING WOMEN





(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.











CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!







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15 years 4 months ago #232014 by cowmad
Replied by cowmad on topic Male V Female
and finally



WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'

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15 years 4 months ago #232048 by organicltd
Replied by organicltd on topic Male V Female
Cows,Cows, Cows,

The only cow in a small Wairarapa town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the Strait in the South Island for $200.
They brought the cow from Kaiapoi and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow from the South Island?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow.
You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from the south Island?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,

"My wife is from the south Island."

Wine does not make you FAT it makes you LEAN...
....against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

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15 years 4 months ago #232213 by NZ Appaloosas
Replied by NZ Appaloosas on topic Male V Female
Oooooh, them thar's fightin' words! LOL

Diane


Featuring Wap Spotted, sire of the first Wap Spot 2 grandget in Southern Hemisphere and New Zealand

On the first day God created horses. On the second day He spotted the best ones.

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