Marae protocol for tangi .

Hi . I am wanting some advice on behalf of a family member who is attending her first tangi this weekend. She is unsure of the correct protocol on the marae . I do know a little about tangi - they are long , there are a lot of speeches, you may need to wait to be welcomed onto the marae , you may need to hongi and take off your shoes in the meeting house and at the burial site you need to rinse your hands .
She wonders what is the best clothing to wear - do women need to wear a skirt or are pants OK and do the men dress formally or not.
My advice to her was to stand back if unsure and /or follow someone who looks like they know what they are doing.
Any helpful hints . I realise that the hapus have different protocol . This tangi is in Horowhenua .

Dress (or not, i.e. trousers for women) can depend on the Marae in question. She'd need to quietly enquire from someone she knows closer to the situation, I think. Such a question certainly provided some difficulty for me on a similar occasion a while back, not having a dark thing that didn't have legs.

Thanks for that Isla .

The one I went to, SOH being "whanau" had already arrived on the Marae in the earlier days, and I didn't have to go through a formal welcome, they let me and E through a side door.

I still "greeted" the family individually, ending up at "our" end of the Whanau with my SIL and was asked to sit with them.

The proticols I know of are shoes outside, no money or handbags or jewellery are supposed to be brought in, however some Marae's are finding cars being broken into outside so some are relaxing the laws re valuables. Same as when you go onto the grounds for burial, you are not supposed to have anything re handbags on you.

I wore my black dress and my long black coat (being winter), however the marae I attended I believe is fairly open to dress. The Whanau had slept there for most of the week, so most wore their cookwear etc. I am sure my SIL had trousers on because she isn't a dress kind of Girl.

But I agree that its up to individual maraes and best to check beforehand. There are some books available on the subject in the bookshops and I am sure at the library.

Also check out the iwi's website, I recall a proticol section on my MIL's Whanau one...

also, at Maori funerals, they have a caller (sorry folks I don't know the proper names, SOH isn't here to ask) and the mourners except the closest family cannot go in until the caller is answered from inside.

If you are invited to the home of the departed for the "wake" you are also asked to "wash" (dip) your hands prior to entry and also after. On this occasion you will be walked with others in a line through every room until you get to the last outside door..... then its eating/cuppa time again.

for littlies it is a bit daunting, but if they are explained the process its usually fine. If in doubt, leave them home with someone else.

www.maori.org.nz/tikanga/

Heaps here that will be helpful.

I also think that no food is allowed in the meeting house? You usually wait by the gate and get called in with a group. When you file past the coffin, some people bend down and kiss the deceased. I can't do this, but hubby did for his sister, who was Pakeha, had a Maori hubby and was on the Marae before being brought back to our own cemetary. It is a great thing to attend and we have been to many. You usually get a HUUUUUUUUGEEEEE!!!!!!!!! meal afterwards as well. One we went to, on the Friday night it was party night, that is untill midnight when no alcohol was allowed on the marae. We slept at the marae that night and to hear so many big Maori men snoring, all at once is an experience on its own. We took our kids to that one, they were quite young at the time and handled it very well.

In my experience, someone from the Marae will come out to guide you through the process if you look unsure. Often a quick whip round for a koha happens before you go on, so a bit of cash in your pockets is a good idea. When you are ready (checked your makeup, been to the loo[]) wait at the gate to be called on... often they will wait for a larger group that they know is coming, so don't be surprised if you are not called straight away. Men first, women at the back of the group. Same for seating. Speeches are often a they speak/we speak format. No food/drink or shoes in Wharenui (meeting house). Sometimes not directly in front of the Wharenui either.

In the Wharekai (eating house) eating and drinking reasonably quickly is respectful. Try not to linger over a cuppa remembering that the kitchen is staffed by family and friends of the deceased and they will be feeding shifts of different people for days. (I'm only mentioning this because I've been asked heaps why Pakeha do this.
All I can think of is, that we see it as an 'after' thing not part and parcel of Tangi protocol)

As I say, this is just my experience, every Marae has different protocol.

chooky, tell your family member not to worry too much. Dark clothing is preferable. Formal wear if she wants. I have seen plenty of women wearing dark pants, so don't think it's an issue, but no mini-skirts o.k?[] Strongly suggest shoes easy to get in and out of quickly and easily and are comfortable for walking to the cemetery.

If she is just going to the service then there will be heaps of people there at the same time... probably with the same questions