4 80% of u not males

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14 years 13 hours ago #13461 by organicltd
When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume ' The Stance.

In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.

In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?)

You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public rest rooms/toilets (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately.

Wine does not make you FAT it makes you LEAN...
....against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

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14 years 13 hours ago #207497 by reggit
Replied by reggit on topic 4 80% of u not males
Yup pretty accurate [:(!]

Take a break...while I take care of your home, your block, your pets, your stock! [;)] PM me...

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14 years 13 hours ago #207501 by GrantK
Replied by GrantK on topic 4 80% of u not males
A very amusing little chronicle from my perspective [^]

When it comes to visiting the Public Toilets at Fieldays, it is really good to be a guy :D :D :D :D

Live weather data and High/Low records for our farm at: www.keymer.name/weather

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14 years 12 hours ago #207505 by Jenny
Replied by Jenny on topic 4 80% of u not males

organicltd;181298 wrote:
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately.


So true :D

Jenny
Waikato

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14 years 9 hours ago #207576 by Kilmoon
Replied by Kilmoon on topic 4 80% of u not males
As I read this I started laughing...loudly....hubby came in to see what all the noise was about! :D :D When I said its about a woman using the loo, he left wondering what all the fuss was about:rolleyes:.

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14 years 9 hours ago #207583 by DiDi
Replied by DiDi on topic 4 80% of u not males
Oh that's brilliant! I nearly wet my pants laughing so much! Thank you SOOOOO much for sharing that. It is about to be passed on to all my girlfriends.

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14 years 8 hours ago #207599 by Kiwi303
Replied by Kiwi303 on topic 4 80% of u not males
and they wonder why women want sex change ops...

You Live and Learn, or you don't Live Long -anon

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14 years 8 hours ago #207603 by DiDi
Replied by DiDi on topic 4 80% of u not males
...who said that? Watch all the skits on America's funniest videos(?) and NO WAY! We just have to build up our thigh muscles - not hit the ground with any external trauma! Mind...I invite you Kiwi to experience childbirth. Then you will find who is the "real Kiwi bloke" LOL

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14 years 8 hours ago #207606 by Inger
Replied by Inger on topic 4 80% of u not males
And that's the reason why I have in my handbag, disposable toilet seat covers, tissues and soap leaves. When the Other Half rants on about how heavy my bag is, I tell him the I was a good Girl Guide, I'm always prepared. I even have hand sanitiser. That's useful for cleaning toilet seats as well. ;) I'm afraid the only public toilets I actually like using are the airport ones, as they are normally clean and usually fully stocked with paper.

The best public toilets I've ever seen were in Monaco. You could eat off those toilets, you honestly could and an attendant was cleaning the cubicles frequently. Such luxury. :)

45 hectares between Whangarei and Paparoa
Herd of Registered Dexter cattle
New Hampshire Red poultry & Dorking poultry and Sicilian Buttercup poultry
Pilgrim Geese, Appleyard Ducks.
Polled Wiltshire Sheep, both black and white
An old Heading Dog called Lad and a cat called Pusscat,

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14 years 7 hours ago #207617 by Pumpkingirl
Replied by Pumpkingirl on topic 4 80% of u not males

GrantK;181306 wrote: When it comes to visiting the Public Toilets at Fieldays, it is really good to be a guy :D :D :D :D


Unless you happen to go to the portaloos in the N row.. they were new, clean, didn't smell, had HEAPS of toilet paper and paper towels and soap. We were very impressed on our stand (all female) and will never use the grotty, stinky concrete toilets again. Even when they've been disinfected, they still have that "sewage" smell. Ugh.

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13 years 11 months ago #207942 by Inger
Replied by Inger on topic 4 80% of u not males
Trouble is, they're miles away from the Romney Shed, where the Rare Breeds stand was. I tended to use the toilets attached to the main pavilion unless the queue was too long. Then I had to go back to the concrete toilets.

45 hectares between Whangarei and Paparoa
Herd of Registered Dexter cattle
New Hampshire Red poultry & Dorking poultry and Sicilian Buttercup poultry
Pilgrim Geese, Appleyard Ducks.
Polled Wiltshire Sheep, both black and white
An old Heading Dog called Lad and a cat called Pusscat,

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13 years 11 months ago #207948 by Pumpkingirl
Replied by Pumpkingirl on topic 4 80% of u not males
:D

Inger;181820 wrote: Trouble is, they're miles away from the Romney Shed, where the Rare Breeds stand was.


Ugh, you really need to move the stand down our end Inger, it's much nicer, and very close to the Murray Grey steak sandwich stand, which as we know has the best steak sandwiches ever!

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13 years 11 months ago #207954 by rob
Replied by rob on topic 4 80% of u not males
remember put the seat UP when finished

Rob

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