Insperational Quotes..

Anyone got one of two to share ?

A couple I came across in an old notebook this week..

"Time and space - time to be alone, space to move about -these may be the greatest sacrifices of tomorrow" Edwin Way Teale in Autum Across America.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined" Thoreau.

deep thoughts by jack handey

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

If you're going to criticize someone, first walk a mile in their shoes. That way, not only will you be a mile away from them but you will also have their shoes.

Two quotes that I like (paraphrased, my memory is not that good []):

From Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (remember written early 20th century...

"If something goes wrong that is my fault, I ask myself 'is it so serious that they'll shoot my dog for this?'."

And (unknown author) for when you are feeling a bit outside your comfort zone:

"A ship is safe in harbour, but that's not what ships are for.'

And my absolute favourite of all time:

"Risk more than others think is safe.
Care more than others think is wise.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible." (Claude Bissell)

Llew, THANK YOU!!!!

tigger;169946 wrote: "A ship is safe in harbour, but that's not what ships are for.'

I really like that, Tigger. Feels very appropriate for me right now, too.

More from Jack Handy (who must be one weird chap)

ON FABRIC SOFTENER: My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married!' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory! You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

Cripes! My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes!' 'For Cripe's sake! Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the Church of 'Holy Moly'! I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

ON MEN VERSUS WOMEN, IN THE MORNING: Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it! We just wake up and we want you! And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look in themorning?' It's because we can't see you! We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerves!

ON PREGNANCY: It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, 'Oh my God! He's kicking. Do you wanna feel it?' I always feel awkward reaching over there. Come on! It's weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don't do that when I have gas. "Oh my God! Give me your hand! It won't be long now.... .."

ON GRANDMAS: My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, "Sexy Senior Citizen." You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? What? Is she out entering wet shawl contests!? Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday!

ON PHONE-IN POLLS: You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% "I don't know!" It costs 90 cents to call up and vote, and they're voting "I don't know!" You might hear a couple talking, one of the two saying, "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Saying Into phone) "I don't know!" (hangs up, looking very proud). Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about!" This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95: (into phone) "I'm not in the mood."

ON ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES: Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love!' Beeeep!" "Uh, yeah . . . this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love!"

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

Not so much an inspirational quote but anyone with teenagers might appreciate the sentiment

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years" - Mark Twain

Helen Clark was visiting a primary school and she visited one of the
classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and
their meanings.
The teacher asked Ms Clark if she would like to lead the discussion on
the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him,
that would
be a "tragedy."
No," said Helen "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children
drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained Helen "that's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Helen searched the
room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an
example of a tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand...

In a quiet voice he said: "If A plane carrying you and Mr Clark was
struck by a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens, that would
be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Helen. "That's right. And can you tell me why
that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly
wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f*cking accident
either!"
Helen Clark was visiting a primary school and she visited one of the
classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and
their meanings.
The teacher asked Ms Clark if she would like to lead the discussion on
the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him,
that would
be a "tragedy."
No," said Helen "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children
drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained Helen "that's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Helen searched the
room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an
example of a tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand...

In a quiet voice he said: "If A plane carrying you and Mr Clark was
struck by a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens, that would
be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Helen. "That's right. And can you tell me why
that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly
wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f*cking accident
either!"

I think you're in the wrong thread, Kindajojo.
I think you're in the wrong thread, Kindajojo.

"Life is like a path of untrodden snow - becarefull how you tread it for every mark will show"

depends if you support national /labour/ orthe greens Isla

kindajojo;170463 wrote: depends if you support national /labour/ or the greens Isla

Inspirational quote vs. joke? I guess that depends on your point of view too.

I was looking for the author of the poem 'Anyway' when I came across this, perhaps not quite so inspirational but also capable of bringing tears to my eyes

Always eat your bogies,
don’t wipe them on your clothes,
just gulp them down in one
as you pick them from your nose
For they’re full of crunchy goodness,
they’re best when green and long,
so always eat your bogies
and you’ll grow up big and strong.

Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway

Here are some of my favourites:

www.despair.com/viewall.html

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