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14 years 9 months ago #1080 by beedee
for parents was created by beedee
I thought this article could be a reminder not only for the time with children, but one of the reasons of being on a "lifestyle Block" so make sure you have time to stop and sniff the daisies today..

by
Anna Quindlen

> “All my babies are gone now. I say this not in
> sorrow
> but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what
> I
> have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I
> am,
> one closing in fast.
>
> Three people who read the same books I do and have
> learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in
> their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar
> jokes
> that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need
> razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to
> keep their doors closed more than I like.
>
> Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their
> jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by
> themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the
> bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby
> is buried deep within each, barely discernible
> except
> through the unreliable haze of the past.
>
> Everything in all the books I once poured over is
> finished for me now - Penelope Leach., T. Berry
> Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry
> and
> sleeping through the night and early-childhood
> education, all grown obsolete.
>
> Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things
> Are,they are battered, spotted, well used. But I
> suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would
> rise
> like memories.
>
> What those books taught me, finally, and what the
> women on the playground taught me, and the
> well-meaning relations - what they taught me, was
> that
> they couldn’t really teach me very much at all.
>
> Raising children is presented at first as a
> true-false
> test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally,
> far
> along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No
> one
> knows anything.
>
> One child responds well to positive reinforcement,
> another can be managed only with a stern voice and a
> timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his
> sibling
> at 2.
>
> When my first child was born, parents were told to
> put
> baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke
> on
> his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies
> were put down on their backs because of research on
> sudden infant death syndrome.
>
> To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is
> terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must
> learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research
> will
> follow.
>
> I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr.
> Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in
> which he describes three different sorts of infants:
> average, quiet, and active.
>
> I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an
> 18-month
> old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with
> his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with
> his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally
> delayed,
> physically challenged?
>
> Was I insane? Last year he went to China . Next year
> he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can
> walk, too.
>
> Every part of raising children is humbling, too.
> Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been
> enshrined in the, “Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of
> Fame.”
>
> The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad
> language,
> mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the
> bed.
> The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The
> nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp.
>
> The day when the youngest came barreling out of the
> classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I
> responded,”What did you get wrong?”. (She insisted I
> include that.)
>
> The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s
> drive-through speaker and then drove away without
> picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I
> include that.) I did not allow them to watch the
> Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I
> thinking?
>
> But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most
> of
> us make while doing this. I did not live in the
> moment
> enough. This is particularly clear now that the
> moment
> is gone, captured only in photographs.
>
> There is one picture of the three of them, sitting
> in
> the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set
> on
> a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could
> remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and
> how they sounded, and how they looked when they
> slept
> that night.
>
> I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to
> the
> next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had
> treasured the doing a little more and the getting it
> done a little less.
>
> Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t,
> what was me and what was simply life. When they were
> very small, I suppose I thought someday they would
> become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I
> suspect they simply grew into their true selves
> because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back
> off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed
> and
> I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was
> sometimes
> over the top.
>
> And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the
> three people I like best in the world, who have done
> more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity.
> That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and
> determined to learn from the experts. It just took
> me
> a while to figure out who the experts were.”
>

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14 years 9 months ago #55055 by Valmai
Replied by Valmai on topic for parents
Oh, I love that!

Carbon-based biological unit.

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14 years 9 months ago #55120 by sod
Replied by sod on topic for parents
That is just great and we agree :D :p we have 3 growed up best friends now[8D][8D][8D]

Having time is a measure of enthusiasm:rolleyes:

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14 years 9 months ago #55245 by jeannielea
Replied by jeannielea on topic for parents
And now that my three are all grown with their own children I watch them doing things differently and sometimes I disapprove (but I never tell them) and they are wondering if they are doing it right and I just say 'look at you guys - I often did it wrong and yet you are toilet trained, and know how to be polite, and do so many things that make you into okay adults. So just do it and spend time enjoying it too - I forgot that bit soooo often.'
Now I'm going to forward this to some friends.

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14 years 9 months ago #55266 by Dream Weaver
Replied by Dream Weaver on topic for parents
Truely lovely and thank you for sharing.
We have just had a wonderful Saturdaynight. My hubby turned 50 and we had my eldest son and his wife down from New Plymouth. Our other 3 now adult children with their partners here and a few good friends. We had a pot luck dinner and spent some very special time together. I relised that we have truely 4 amazing and wonderful children who have grown into 4 mature independant loving adults. Here they were all together which doesn't happen often. We had sent hubby away from the house for a couple of hours and my 2 sons were here setting up an amazing surround sound system that they had all put in for. My second oldest son having put ALOT of his money into. He told me that he wanted to do something so special for his Pop, something that would just blow his mind. It dawned on me watching them all lastnight that even though at times they seem so busy with their own lives that we do not see them much, we maybe sometimes wonder if they think of us, they are all carving their own paths and are busy being busy as modern life demands. Then you have a night like we had lastnight when you sit back and watch your children come together for a Dad that obviously means the world to them, they took they time to organise the most wondrful gift, they took the time to come and share memories and spend time with us and their siblings. I was so proud of them all. They gave us proof that they do care, they do think of us, and they will always be there if we need them. Made me think we haven't done too bad at raising them, a warm fuzzy thought, and it was all worth every moment.

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